AboutEugenia Springer, Ph.D. Expertise I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.
Experience From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey".
After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers.
My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships.
"Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace.
To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at hftpproductions@tstt.net.tt.
Currently I am the host and producer of two weekly call-in radio programs. You can access our station online at www.power102fm.com. My programs are:
(1) "Life & Living/Soul to Soul", Wednesdays, 11:00 AM to 12:00 Noon; and
(2) DIALOGUE, Wednesdays 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM. DIALOGUE connects our national radio audience with our Trinidad & Tobago/Caribbean Diaspora, and other listeners beyond our shores.
Access Dialogue by going to www.power102fm.com from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM local Trinidad and Tobago time on Wednesday nights. Communicate with callers and studio personnel through our message board; or call any of the four telephone numbers listed: Toronto, London, Miami, and New York. Call through the number nearest you.
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Question My friend and her husband were visiting over the weekend from out of town. They got into a fight over what seemed to be minor it got worse. He grabbed her by the lower jaw, close to the neck during the yelling fight. We ran to the car after the episode as he chased both of us trying to get her to listen to him. When we got to the car he tried to pull her out. His other friend grabbed him trying to calm him down and we drove off.
He spent the night with our other friend that night but called and called all night long. My friend told me that he does this a lot.. grabs her pokes at her and yells at her. She said that he is stresses with his job etc..
we spent the evening talking and she was not sure what to do. They changed their flight the following day to leave early because they were both sad and embarrassed of what went on and not sure how to face everyone involved.
Now she is back and it has been two days since we have chatted. The husband called and apologized to me and all people involved and I could not accept this behavior but my friend is.
I cant get it out of my mind or cant believe this is going on. They have only been married for 5 months.
How can I attempt to held my friend from 2000 miles away? What steps should I attempt?
Answer Stacy,
Frustration is no excuse for abuse. Your friend could be letting embarrassment keep her from reporting her husband. If she reports him he could get some much needed help, even as she stays a safe distance away from him. Embarrassment could provide him with a cover for continued abuse. If he attacked her so viciously in the company of her friends; and even attempted to drag her out of the vehicle, I wonder what she endures when alone with him.
I know what I would do. I would call Social Services right away, right where I am in the country, and ask to speak to someone who would listen. Social workers are trained to recognize threat to life and limb, and they know what to do if you are concerned that an altercation that took place at your home could have the potential of endangering your friend's safety. If the man should kill her, the Social Services agencies in the two states would network to discover precedents to the precipitative act. A two thousand miles distance poses no problem to communication between the agencies.
You still have time, I hope.
Hopefully, your friend is still alive. You do not really know because you have not heard from her. You do not know if she is in grave danger.
Lodge a report with the Social Services people where you are. Ask them to check with their counterpart two thousand miles away. Ask them to keep the source of information secret from your friend and her husband.
Do what you have to do now. Place the matter in the agency's hands. It is not a bad idea to talk to the police in your precinct. They can also advise you.
I pray your friend is alive. I doubt she is okay. I hope, if she is alive, that she wakes up and takes responsibility for her safety. No one should tolerate physical abuse. No victim should sympathize with the victimizer. Sympathy for the abuser encourages him to shirk responsibility for his behavior.
And please, be alert to who is around you. Coming to think of it, you should talk to the police in your area, and report what happened.
