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Abusive Relationships/6yr marriage with child involved

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Expert: Eugenia Springer, Ph.D. - 3/3/2008


Question
Hi. I have been married for 6 yrs. We have been together a total of 13 yrs. My husband turned a complete 180 once we married and started cutting me down verbally every chance he had. He has also verbally cut down our 4 yr old daughter. Last year, he admitted to me he was popping holes in the condoms to get me pregnant, even after I said that I was not ready for another child. There is constant accusations from him about me cheating on him, and I have lost all love for him. I care b/c he is the father of my child, but I am not in love with him anymore. Is this a marriage I should fight for, even though he says he is going to change?


Answer
Annalisa,

Your husband needs help.  Emotional abuse is damaging.  It can break a person's spirit, as you are discovering.  It can convince a child that she is unworthy, derailing her emotional development from childhood.  

The longer an individual remains in an abusive relationship, the more difficult it becomes to leave it.  And the more menacing the abuser tends to become.   The promise to change is not uncommon.  And it is not that your husband is a bad person.  He has problems he needs to attend to.  These problems did not begin with you.  They are rooted in his childhood.  He should be encouraged to get into psychotherapy.  But that has nothing to do with you and your need to be safe from emotional abuse.

Dr. ES

Abusive Relationships

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Eugenia Springer, Ph.D.

Expertise

I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.

Experience

From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey". After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers. My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships. "Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace. To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at dreugenia.springer@live.com For a few years I hosted and produced the weekly call-in radio program, Life and Living/Soul to Soul on radio station Power102fm.

Education/Credentials
Certificate in Parenting and Family Life Counseling Certificate in Dianetics Counseling Ph.D. in Zoology (specializing in Biochemical Genetics)

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