AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.
Experience I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
Expert: David Simonsen Date: 3/26/2008 Subject: Abusive & addicted husband
Question I am 28 years old and in my 2nd marraige. My husband is addicted to crack cocaine and I know I should leave, but I don't have the means. He has progressively convinced me that my family is against me. I didn't have a great relationship with them to begin with, but now they won't have anything to do with me. I was recently fired from my job, and now I recieve unemployment compensation. I have no car, and when I had a cell phone he told me noone was allowed to have the number but him. We don't have a phone in the house, and he keeps his cell phone with him at all times. Over the past four years he has made every effort to keep me from maintaining any relationship outside of our marriage, so I have no friends anymore. He insists on using my minimal income for household expenses so that he can use his paycheck for drugs. When he is on drugs I have to sit very still and quiet for up to 8 hours at a time. I have tried to refuse him money, but he gets very aggressive, not physically, but he's extremely intimidating. I want to leave but I don't know how. I have no support emotionally and I'm afraid of what might happen if I leave and I can't do it on my own. I'll have no where to go if that happens. I haven't seen my children in 3 months because my 1st husband found out and won't let them come around anymore. What avenues are available for someone in my situation?
Answer Melissa,
You have put yourself in your own prison. You CHOOSE to stay and CHOOSE to remain powerless. As long as you let him be in control of everything nothing will change. The next time he is gone you simply need to leave. You need to make amends to your parents. You have a bad relationship with them most likely because you did not listen to their advice about dating this loser and maybe even losers before this current one. You need to apologize to them tell they were right and that you need their help. Only do this if you won't go back to this old lifestyle. I understand you may have some attraction to it, so it will be difficult to make that decision. Yet, that is really the only option I see for you in this situation you have described. Your first husband is doing the right things by protecting the kids. So you can leave or continue to be stuck in this prison you have made for yourself.
David
www.help4life.net
