Question I currently live with my 33-year-old fiance. He's a professional man with a MBA and a good job. He grew up in a small town where drinking was a popular past-time. He doesn't consider himself an alcoholic because he doesn't drink EVERY DAY. But, whenever he's in a social situation he's unable to control his drinking and usually ends up totally wasted by the end of the evening. If we go out with a group of friends or to a party, 98% of the time, he ends up being the drunkest one in room. Needless to say, I'm ALWAYS the designated driver responsible for getting us home safely by the end of the night.
The other night he was "going out with the boys" and told me that he may be calling me later to come pick him up because he knew he would be drinking too much. When he goes out with the boys, he doesn't usually want to come home until the bars close around 3 in the morning. I told him no. I told him that he should be mature and responsible enough to get himself home -- without endangering himself or other people. He was so mad that I said no, that he stayed out all night (supposedly stayed at a guy friend's house) without bothering to call me to let me know he was okay.
Am I being unreasonable by expecting this 33-year-old man to act like an adult when it comes to social drinking? The only friends he has that drink like this are single (no girlfriends or wives) and are not very ambitious professionally.
He thinks I should have agreed to come an get him, because it meant that he wouldn't be drinking and driving. I think it's good that he didn't want to drink and drive, but I don't want to enable his drinking problem by agreeing to be his taxi service whenever he wants to drink to excess (right now, he gets wasted nearly every weekend -- usually Friday and/or Saturday). What do you think?
Answer dear Lynn
I think you are avoiding the bigger question of why do you want to marry someone that will eventually get a DWI, liver disease, or prematurely die? I agree with everything you have done, but you are falling into a trap if you are hoping that he will get better. I think you should be considering the ultimate boundary of leaving him if he doesn't stop drinking.
