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Question I am writing this letter seeking for advice from others and as a journal to see if my
thoughts become true in the end. My name is Bob and I am 42 years old and have
certainly been through a relationship or two in the past. I was married for 12 years
and have been recently divorced for almost three years now. On December 5th 2007 I
met this brilliant young lady Named Casey whom is 23 years old. I met her from an
online dating site. She works at a local mall at the customer service desk. I first met
her there and we had lunch together. We seemed to hit it off extremely well and set
up another date for tea two days later. I did not kiss her after that date as i really
liked her and I wanted to take it as slow as I could, because she seemed like a gal that
was worth keeping.
Well things seemed to turn fast, she would txt and seem to stay in contact with me
somehow 24/7 She seemed pretty frisky during our conversations. Are next date was
dinner at the mall again just 5 days after we met. After dinner we seemed to make it
back to my apartment and yes we were intimate. The sex was amazing for both of us.
So that was on a Friday and I believe we were intimate again for the next 5 days
straight. We would always meet for tea first then always end up going back to my
apartment. I for sure was in heaven it seemed like we were really into one another for
just who we were and nothing else. I was really in heaven for this and she seemed to
be too since she would always stay in touch and talk a lot to me.
Then starts the trouble after about a week and a half of this. She tells me that she
has a boyfriend named Adam that she had been living with for the past year. So I’m
thinking wow this is not cool, what do I do now? I decided to keep seeing her as she
told me that she was not happy and that she was looking for away out. I think she
figured that if she stayed gone all of the time that he would get mad and break up
with her. Another two weeks went by and that is exactly what happened. So since she
is young and did not have a place to stay I told her that she could move in with me
that I had the extra space. LOL this was the first time in my life that I ever let a girl
move in with me.
Well she moved in on A friday night and then moved right back out in the morning
without even telling me. She sent me a txt while I was at work later and said that she
moved. I was dumfounded at the time and was very hurt. Being mature I let it go, yet
I thought that she was gone for good at this point. When she did call me later that
day to tell me, she said that she just was not ready yet for the move and was going to
give her boyfriend Adam one last chance. Yet she still wanted to see me. I kept dating
her for another month and she kept saying that she was not happy with Adam. Also
about this time another guys name came up out of the blue his name was Mike and it
turns out that Mike is Adams best friend. She has known Mike for about a year and a
half and the three of them Casey, Adam, and Mike all did Karate together 3 nights a
week.
They would all go out and have dinner after their Karate lessons were over usually on
Thursday nights.. I was fine with this. Then she told me that this Mike guy kind of
liked her and that she was cleaning his house once a week and that the three of them
would have movie night together on Saturdays. Again I was fine with this. About a
week later she told me that this Mike guy was kinda strange and that he was
constantly hitting on her so she decided to stop cleaning his house. Yet the three of
them would still have movie night together. I was fine with this because Adam the
boyfriend would be there. So I just let it go and it did not bother me.
Our relationship seemed only to keep getting stronger and stronger. Then On January
31 at 10:00 P.M she called me and wanted to know if I could pick her up. So i did
along with all of her belongings which was no more than a pick up full. She moved
back in with me and this time everything seemed to be just fine and she seemed very
happy. She continued to work and go to school, she even continued to attend her
karat classes three times a week although she would miss several of them to be with
me, so she says.
So I’m thinking that we are both in love at this point everything seems to be going
very well, so I thought. We actually ran into a snag with my apartment complex and
decided to break the lease two months early. Doing so would cost me double the rent
for the next two months. She said that she really would like to move and that she
would borrow me the 830.00 that I was short until I received my tax return. So I
borrowed the money and we moved. Then we decided that we needed a bigger bed
as I only had a full size bachelors pad. So we went bed shopping and and listen to
this. She had good credit but wanted to make it better so she agreed to open a credit
card in her mane if I paid for the purchase. I agreed as it would help her credit and I
for sure have the cash coming from my tax return. It was for sure a nice bed set that I
was very happy to buy for the both of us. So yes we used her credit card which I am to
pay off. I was very comfortable with this idea.
Then we got all moved had the bed delivered. Things seemed to be fine we were still
very much into one another, still spent lots of time together and I truly was falling
hard for her. She at times spoke of getting married but I knew in my mind that would
for sure have to wait a while and just see if the flare wheres off or not. So I decided to
buy her a promise ring. It was not that expensive but yet nice to where. I think I paid
under 400.00 for it. It had some-kind of a birthstone on it, very pretty. Yet it was just
a promise between one another that we would be committed and work towards
getting married some day.
Now the table starts to turn as I start to get suspicious about this Mike Character.
After some of her classes as I said before they would go and have dinner and
sometimes they would have movie night at Mikes house. Well one Thursday she said
that she was taking the day off to see her mom which sounded a little weird to me
because she really did not talk to her mom all that much. Something in my gut told
me that something just was not right. So In the middle of the night I checked her
phone and read the txt messages and sure enough she had seen a movie with Mike
after she saw her Mom. She even went shopping with this guy as I found the receipts
in her pocket for both the movie and the gift receipt that Mike bought her. I totally let
this go and decided that I would start watching closer and see what her behavior was
going to turn into. It turns out that this Mike guy, remember it’s Adams best friend
starts texting her just about 24 7 she will not show me the txt but I started to read
some of them when she was sleeping.
Then the next thursday she says that she is going to a movie with a girlfriend and
again the same thing happens Mike and her had lunch and saw a movie. I somewhat
asked her about it this time but she gave me some lame excuses that she did have
lunch with Mike but said the movie was with a girlfriend. I again proved this other
wise by reading her txt messages. At this point I am loosing all trust in this girl and
am starting to look farther into things.
It now turns out that after reading her e-mails from the last year that she had
cheated on poor Adam the whole time that they were together. It looks as though she
had meet someone about once a month. I could only prove that she had actually been
intimate with only two of them. There were also e-mails that strongly suggested that
Mike and her had been together back when Adam and Casey first starting dating.
So now I am really suspicious of this girl and am really wondering what her and Mike
really got going between one another. So she goes out on a movie night and says
Adam , Mike and a few other friends are going to be there. My gut really is telling me
now that I need to find out the truth. So i drive by Adams house and sure enough his
car is still in the parking lot of his apartment. I then decided to drive by Mikes house
and see what’s really going on. Sure enough Casey's car is the only one parked out
front. I went home and waited for her to come home. She said that she would be
home around ten and sent me a txt at about 9 asking how I was. She did not show up
until 11:30 and before then I tried to txt her and she did not answer. She said that the
couch ate her phone and she did not hear it vibrate. I basically said nothing at that
time. Later I did ask her how the movie was and asked if Adam went, she told me yes
that he got there around six, I said really because his car was at his house the whole
evening. She said that they picked him up. I said nothing else to her that night but
found in her pockets that she had bought tickets to a movie and had dinner.
I tried to have sex with her that night and she would not touch me. This was the first
time ever that she had turned me down. I then excused her of smelling like a guys
cologne, she said that she gave Mike a hug. Then in the morning she threatened to
move out because I stalked her old boyfriend. I read her txt messages again and she
told Mike all about this. I talked her into staying and yet the next week was not very
good. It seemed as though she was waiting for me to pick a fight with her so that she
would have an excuse to move out. I never gave her that chance.
Now the next weekend Friday night went fine I attended her graduation of her new
belt in karate. Mike and Adam were there, Adam was fine with me there but Mike
seemed to give me a look that could kill, although I could not tell because he was in
his karate mode. Casey and I went to dinner together and all was well. Saturday
morning seemed fine we watched a movie together and all was well so I thought. I
put in the next movie and all of a sudden she seemed like something was really
wrong. I tried to talk to her but she would not talk. So basically I told her that I was
going to go into work and that I was going to leave her alone. Two hours later I sent
her a text asking if we were ok because there seemed to be something wrong. She
said IDK I don’t think that we are right for one another. I said ok! I waited a few and
then called her. She explained that she was moving out. I went home and sure
enough all her stuff was gone. She did leave the bed that I owe her for and she kept
the keys to the apartment.
Since then I have seen her 4 or 5 times within the last ten days. She still wont talk, the
only thing that she tells me is that she needs her space and that she is not over her
boyfriend. She is living at Mikes house but she will not tell me that. She is keeping it a
secrete for some reason. She says that where she is living is only temporally.
When I have seen her at the movies she still acts likes she cares, she will hold my
hand and let me hug her. I asked her questions about us and all she says is that she is
not over Adam. She says she loves me but has pretty much stopped texting me the
way that she did before. There is for sure a 100% turn around now on how much
attention that she gives to me, but yet she seems to give me lots of false hopes. She
says that she wants me to Love her and I even asked if she still loves me and she says
yes. All she says is that she needs her space. She swears that her and Mike have
nothing going on that he is just a friend.
My question is how do I go about this girl. Is she really letting me die slowly? Or is
there a chance that she would want to come back. How do I go about this. I do not
want to play the cat and mouse game. I don’t want to have to blow her off without
talking to her for a month. I don’t want to have to start dating others. I have backed
off from her and now only speaking to her maybe once every two days and only
seeing her maybe twice a week for about an half an hour at a time. I am a complete
mess right now as I feel she stoled my heart. I just wish she could talk to me and tell
me what’s really going on.
I have paid her th 830.00 for the rent as of yesterday but still owe her the 3000 for
the bed. i have the money to pay her now so should I pay it to her. I obviously still
love her and am willing to give her a clean slate. I feel that we are all human and we
all make mistakes. So should I just give up on this girl or should I wait her out.
Please I need to hear your comments
Thanks
Robert
Answer the reality is this girl has been jerking you around for a LONG time, but your infatuation with her, coupled with fear of loss, have blinded you to it; she might like having you around as a "security base", but she obviously wants to live the life of a young single girl, first and foremost; this was pretty much doomed from the start--time to cut your losses...
