About Francis Hosein Expertise I can answer questions on relationships; marriage, abuse, controlling relationships, successful relationships, codependency, father and daughter relationships,
I can answer questions on psychics, mediums, paranormal phenomena.
Experience relationships, psychic readings, setting goals, meditation, tai chi, therapy, yoga, massage. neuro linguistic programming
Education/Credentials b.a. in psychology, therapist in NLP, degree in chi nei tsang massage.
medium for over twenty years. Tai chi teacher for 27 years.
Expert: Francis Hosein Date: 3/24/2008 Subject: is my husband abusive?
Question Hello,
Iam in a confused state of mind and & terribly feeling low and dejected so i kind of need to vent out the pathos inside me,please help;
Its been four years iam marraid now& its unique because from the day one literally iam spending a lonely life as i had a life a far cry from any newly wed couple.
we had no phisical intimacy which came as a shock to me coz every thing was normal during our three year long courtship.
1.in the 1st phase of our marraige he spent the night sleeping as he was extremly tired & frustrated with his work.
2professinally he was feeling dejected & told me his hard labour and sincerity toward work is not paying off.he was fired two times and was jobless for more than six month in the 1st year.
3.there was a major financial crisis and we were somehow managing.
4 He said he suffered from sleeping disorder.
this is how my new life began a far cry from a dream but i was never this unhappy as he made me belive that every thng will change including job ,his passion for me with time and i kept tthe faith ,i was truely happy as i loved him too much and wanted to believe him.
i never let him feel low an had faith that every thing will be fine but what was strange was he showed no intrest in improving &doing the things he promised to change whatsoever,i spent ,night after night sobbing in distress & he was in a deep sleep right next to me, he felt guilty only when i complained him & vowed to change every time i asked him........... on my initiative i took him to several doctors for sleeping disorder & sexual disintrest but nothing helped as he had no intention to follow thier advice,my patience eventually gave way to fits of anger in dispair & frequent fights which would only end with me feeling extrmly tired & low as i would leave eating &slip in to depression but he would keep to himself cornered to one room ,all the initiative to reconcile was from my side , and he would confess that he was extrmly guilty so had no face to come up, for one day he was very sweet and then it was all over same again.one thing was striking that he never was very abusive or voilent during our brawls but he was uneffected,and absolutly normal with everyone else.with time our fights and his meaningless confession increased.but from outside we were a picture perfect family, there were though lot of time when he confessed that ihave done lot of good to him in many ways & much co-operative than him & he will soon change everything, but nothing happend, iwas not frustrted with financial crunch as much with his attitude toward life and me
whenever he wanted me to do anything for him he would simply shower me with praises for my endurence to stay with him in such situation make me get things done & soon he would change once its over....all this while when it was over two year i hid this from my family & cried in lonely but later when my parents got to know this he was uneffected.
let me tell you that i have been a dutiful & dedicated wife always as i always preffered to take his side even when my parents complained, never demeaned him for his professional failure &adjusted with all the financial up & down,always good to his family in return only expected his love & care
after three year it was his demand for a baby as i dint wanted to bring a child in our bad marraige,but again he convincingly made me belive that he will change with the baby ,i believed him and during this time he would try making love to me i concieved within a month.again the same story started,only with a difference to my shock he was getting abusive verbally and showing extremly bad temper.
It was a major change in his attitude from the third year onward of our marraige,
1.he was expressive &very abusive,
2.abuse me infront of my parents,i requested him many times not to do it infront of them but in vein,he pretend to understan later but would do the same in petty things also
3.blame my parents that i have been extremly demanding and very impulsive person.
my pregnency went like this i could never imagine aperson who was so cold before how could be so volatile emotonally now even ignoring the feelings of a pregnent woman,basically he would do everything only when complaind about,
like my desire to eat,read or wear certain thing otherwise oblivious,alas!love cant be achived by complaining.during the fights he would not bother wether i ate or not or anything else just days after reconciallation he would be extremly caring,thier were many incidences of fight like this.
now my baby is in his seventh month,nothing has changed in my life after my child we hardly made any love barring once or twice only with my inssitance that too,he is oblivious in everything about me,busy with his office.every thing remain same in my life only few major chnges arethat i have developed many deseases , not keeping well at all,he has a major attitude chnge,
he raises his voice very fast
hates whwn i cry
blatantly says he tried to do everything for me but if things dosent chnge its not his fault,what i have done all wives does
deliberatly fights infront of my parents & have absolutly no resp[ect for them,dosent care showing his devlish side
and absolutly at ease after abusing me with harshest words with no trace of guilt.
pls tell me my son is very young at this moment i feel dejected as after four long year of wait i have got this ,i only wanted his love and care but i no longer long for this as its never going to happen i only worry about my babys future, icant work as he is too young may be another 2 month iwill work but should i stay with him for my sons sake or leave him for my sake?
Answer HI Puja, it is in your best interest that you leave you are not helping your child nor you.
You are teaching your husband how to treat you and this is affecting your son and how he sees relationship and you and your husband are teaching him about abuse which will affect him for a long time and may do it with his wife in the future.
You can break the cycle and help change your son's history.
Pleas edo not blame your husband for you not finding the courage to make good choices that is beneficial for you and your son.
Take the responsibility to know that you are not happy and it is not going to get better if both of you do not get help in therapy.
The action that you take will help womanhood, in not blaming another and stop being a victim and help yourself and your son so he treats his wife better in the future.
God Bless you to get the strength to do the right thing.
