AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.
Experience I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
Expert: David Simonsen Date: 3/9/2008 Subject: Am I really to blame?
Question Hello,
I hope to keep this short as it is a long problem.
Let me start by saying I am a mother of 5....4 are not his.
I have known him for almost 20years. I have had a lot of abusive relationships both physical and mental.
We have been together for over 4 years now. in that 4 years he has been to jail for a year and half. (6th time)
Before he went to jail I treated him badly..When I say that I mean I was very sarcastic and really did not care what he felt as I was only living life for myself and children. For example he would ask if I was seeing someone I would say yes and hes good...even though I never was and never did....When he went to jail it was a wake up call for me I realized I really did love him and want to be with him....I wanted for him...I mean WAITED I was never with another I went to see him 400miles away...I even moved 350 miles away just to be close to him when he came home....I changed a lot of myself....I looked at life different. I was a different person....
My problem is now he is home, there is not a day goes by that he does not put me down for something...or anything...everything is my fault....he has been drinking (thats what he went to jail for every time...drinking and driving..he is an alcoholic..has been since age 12..now 35)
He thinks I am sleeping with someone because he called my phone...He is a friends finance...he fights with me all the time and brings up the past like it was yesterday..he reminds me everyday how I used to be and that I never changed and this and that..he blames his drinking on me because he said I make him feel bad so he has to drink...I started going To the gym to make me feel better as he made me feel like I was nothing he says I want to do it for other people that I am doing it to be someone I am not...
I can go on and on however I am sure you got the point...Please....I don't know what to do....I love him I really do however it is to the point that no matter what I say and or do he tells me I am not trying to prove anything to him and I am showing him I never changed....
I need to know where I can find answers on Alcoholism...Is it really me????
Answer Sunshine,
There is a difference between love and common sense. I like to fall on the side of common sense it is more rational, logical and usually safer. You have chosen to stay with love. This CHOICE is dangerous to you and your children. If you have a place to go I would suggest you let him know that you love him and you will wait for him to get sober. Once he is sober for a year then start the process of reconnecting. Living with an Alcoholic is something you can CHOOSE to do, but it is not something your children can choose. So it is unfair of you to keep your children in this home with this abusive man. You ask if it is you. The part that is you, is the part that stays and takes it. He treats you the way he does because you accept it and even came back for it. Why should he treat you differently?
David
www.help4life.net
