AboutEugenia Springer, Ph.D. Expertise I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.
Experience From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey".
After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers.
My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships.
"Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace.
To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at hftpproductions@tstt.net.tt.
Currently I am the host and producer of two weekly call-in radio programs. You can access our station online at www.power102fm.com. My programs are:
(1) "Life & Living/Soul to Soul", Wednesdays, 11:00 AM to 12:00 Noon; and
(2) DIALOGUE, Wednesdays 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM. DIALOGUE connects our national radio audience with our Trinidad & Tobago/Caribbean Diaspora, and other listeners beyond our shores.
Access Dialogue by going to www.power102fm.com from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM local Trinidad and Tobago time on Wednesday nights. Communicate with callers and studio personnel through our message board; or call any of the four telephone numbers listed: Toronto, London, Miami, and New York. Call through the number nearest you.
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I've noticed something. I've seen that very very sexy men, such as those guys that are typically 'players' or 'womanizers' have tons of experience with women. They are incredibly intelligent and are extremely clever and cunning as to how to deal with the ladies, and tell women exactly what they want to hear so that girls fall madly in love with them. These men are always high profile and high powered. They are doctors, lawyers, CEOs, actors, famous musicians, etc. Since they are so incredibly good looking and so suave and smooth, they go to a bar and get laid every single night. Or at least they come back with tons of numbers of willing women. So they bed tons of amazing hot sexy girls.
But I have noticed something. When they go for a serious relationship, the women they date tend to be very plain. They are boring, naive, too happy and trusting, not too bright, very average, not terribly career oriented, content with being a 'housewife' type, not making much money, and not having a whole lot to offer.
It seems strange to me that these men, who can get ANY gorgeous, intelligent, amazing woman they desire, end up settling down with Plain Jane.
Why is that?
Also...the other thing is...when they marry the 'Plain Jane' they always keep on cheating on her for the rest of their life with the hot, sexy girls from before. They never stop. They always have several women to bang on the side.
I dont understand it. If Plain Jane does not satisfy them sexually and bores them emotionally/intellectually, then why do they bother marrying these girls? why didn't they go for the amazing hot smart fun girl they could have easily had? is it because she is too smart and will have figured him out?
Why is that? Can you explain this phenomenon?
thank you :)
Answer Ana,
I have an opinion, perhaps not the answer.
A man who has been playing around, most likely would not want a woman who is easy to be picked up, as his wife. Usually, the Plain Janes, to use your term, can be trusted to be at home dutifully and faithfully taking care of the children and home, lending status to the man's social standing, as a married man.
This is fair warning for lovely, attractive women who might hope that by giving in to a man with a dazzling resume they might be taken up the aisle with him. And it also says to the playboy husbands that no one is fooled by the show.
Married men who go after the younger, more beautiful women, leaving their wife and children at home, are perceived as dishonest, and shoddy in character. Rather than evoke admiration, these men evoke the sympathy of others for their dutiful wives.
There are many reasons why a woman would allow herself to be used by a man, but they all come down to poor regard for self, usually stemming from painful childhood experiences. Usually the same holds for the philanderer--loss of face, and poor sense of personal power.
Beauty is in character, not merely in physiognomy. The more principled the character, the more beautiful the person.
And although this might be known, I will still emphasize it-- promiscuity might seem to be the in thing but it brings mental and emotional confusion, and anguish; not happiness.
