AboutEugenia Springer, Ph.D. Expertise I can answer your questions on how to stop being a victim, and/or how to stop being an abuser. My ability to help you, however, would depend on your willingness to assume full responsibility for helping yourself.
Experience From the 1970s to the present, my life has been a search after knowing my purpose, knowing myself, and knowing God. I talk about this search in my 2002 book, "Further Insights Into the Journey".
After years of teaching biology at university, I became a radio Family Life Counselor, and a newspaper columnist, responding to callers on radio, and replying to letters from the public, in the newspapers.
My book for the adolescent girl, "Girl, It's All About You"(Review & Herald Publishers 1980, and out of print) was my attempt to marry my field of training--biology, and my adoptive field--interpersonal relationships.
"Further Insights Into the Journey" is about my search for personal freedom--a search for freedom from external controls; for freedom from fear. Through very instructive experiences, many sorely trying, I uncovered that freedom within me, and found myself progressively experiencing increasingly greater measures of peace.
To get your copy of "Further Insights Into The Journey" email me at hftpproductions@tstt.net.tt.
Currently I am the host and producer of two weekly call-in radio programs. You can access our station online at www.power102fm.com. My programs are:
(1) "Life & Living/Soul to Soul", Wednesdays, 11:00 AM to 12:00 Noon; and
(2) DIALOGUE, Wednesdays 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM. DIALOGUE connects our national radio audience with our Trinidad & Tobago/Caribbean Diaspora, and other listeners beyond our shores.
Access Dialogue by going to www.power102fm.com from 7:00 PM to 9:00 PM local Trinidad and Tobago time on Wednesday nights. Communicate with callers and studio personnel through our message board; or call any of the four telephone numbers listed: Toronto, London, Miami, and New York. Call through the number nearest you.
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Question I was in an abusive relationship for many years and I have been divorced from this man 4 years and separated for 5 years. We have shared parenting and the abuse/harassment continued. He was recently arrested for domestic violence/threat however the courts would not grant me a protective order. I have two questions. This man continues to bully/harass me through our children and now, since he is not able to have contact with me (criminal charges) he uses his attorneys to threaten to sue me, calling me crazy, etc. How do you stop the harassment even after you are divorced with an abusive/bully? Second question: Do they ever change? My ex-husband is currently dating another woman and seems very happy. Will he abuse this person eventually also?
Answer Let me respond to your last question, first, Tracey. He will abuse her if she allows it. He seems happy, and maybe he is. For now. If he does nothing to turn his life around, the old nature will reveal itself. Anyone can change but they have to want to change. You don't seem to be describing someone desirous of change. But who knows what is in the heart of another!
Get into counseling, and be guided by your therapist. Social Services should be able to provide you with a Counselor.
You stop the harassment when you stop responding to it. No doubt your ex-husband has studied you well, and your response has become predictable. As I suggested above, get to a therapist. This is challenging to face without a support system. If you do not mind belonging to a prayer group, having the support of a others praying for you will help empower you.
