AboutDavid Simonsen Expertise I can answer questions directly related to your challenging relationships. I will give you a straight forward answer to what I think the problem is.
Experience I have the experience needed to help you sort out how to work through your relationship. I meet weekly with people who have challenging relationships so let me help you!
Organizations AAMFT;AACC
Education/Credentials B.A. M.S. Marriage & Family Therapy
Expert: David Simonsen Date: 4/14/2008 Subject: is my boyfriend abusive
Question I have been dating my boyfriend for about 3 years now. He is my best friend and we usually have no problems. We get in little fights that aren't that big a deal, but in the past two years he has lost it a few times. Four different times, he was drunk and he has taken the fighting a little too far. He never hits me, he usually grabs my arms and pins me to a wall or he will grab me by my wrists and shove me down. Usually the resulting injuries are minor bruises and bumps, they hurt pretty bad but they never look too bad. Just recently he pushed me and I think I broke my tailbone because I fell on cement. I keep telling him that if he ever does this again I will leave him, but of course I never do. He promises that he will never do it again and he feels bad for about a day or until I bring it up. Sometimes I feel like I'm weak and shouldn't put up with it but I cant leave cause I love him so much. But then I find myself thinking maybe hes not really abusive, I mean it only happens twice a year, and the rest of the year is perfect, so maybe I'm just being overly dramatic, do his actions really qualify as abusive? So I'm hoping you can give me some advice. I love him so much, are his actions abusive or is it typical for a guy to lose control like his when hes drunk?
Answer Krissy,
It is abuse plain and simple. If cops would have been called for any of these incidents he would be arrested. You can stay with him if you like, but PLEASE DO NOT have children with this abuser. It is unfair to make kids suffer with someone like this in their life. If you can't make the decision to leave that is your right as a an adult. Your kids wouldn't get that opportunity. Now, your excuse of loving him to much is pretty outrageous. I think you are scared of leaving because you may believe he is the best you can do. Maybe he is, maybe he isn't Just don't fool yourself saying that you tolerate this abuse because of love.
David
www.help4life.net
