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You are here: Experts > People/Relationships > Marriage > Abusive Relationships > relationship with a drug addict
Expert: james52144@earthlink.net
Date: 4/14/2008
Subject: relationship with a drug addict
Question
Hi,
I have been friends with and have been living a heroin and crack addict for almost a year now. He has been using for 6 years now and is currently 30 days clean and back on methadone.
Recently, from his last attempt to quit, we became very close and he admitted he had feelings for me. I felt the same but was not ready to tell him due to the drugs and the situations he has put me through. I told him I felt the same and he said that he wasn't ready to be a in a relationship yet as getting clean is his priority and as it should be.
But it's hard and to still be living with him and acting like nothing has happened especially when I know he is dating other girls and other girls are sending him letters etc...It's almost like he is completely indifferent towards his feelings to me now, like they have been disregarded and i am having to deal with mine daily as I can't switch them off. I almost feel like i have been played by him, even though he says I am his best friend.
I worry I have become an enabler at times as i look after his money, have cooked for him numerous times and spent time with him when times were really rough, and got him back on mathadone (even though i'm not sure i agree with it) but it seemed to be the only option...
he in turn slept with someone else when I asked him not to bring her here and used the word "i'm a junkie and selfish" I guess I want to know whether he will always be like this and how long if he follwed his recovery properly it would take him to become a better person, cos i only used drugs to justify this situation to a point.
Thankyou
K
Answer
Dear K
The rule of thumb is to wait for one year of sobriety before you should expect an addict to be able to have a relationship. However, there is an old saying in recovery, "when you sober up a horse thief, you still have a horse thief." I think you should move on.
Good luck
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