AboutAlina Neal Expertise I can answer any questions concerning abuse whether it be physical, emotional and or sexual. I have been a counselor and a nurse in my life time and have lived and fought my way to being safe in all aspects.
Experience I have experienced every form of abuse and have lived through it, and come out of it stronger emotionally and physically.
Publications www.Helium.com
Education/Credentials Social work/psychology Human Relations/Counseling
Question I am in a relationship with a man that I previously dated & lived with for 4 years when I was much younger, (19-23 - now I am 37). When I was 34 I quit my job of 14 years, next thing I knew I was divorced, single mother of 2 young boys & boom - along came breast cancer & knocked me on my ass. Literally, on my younger son's first birthday I was in the same hospital he was born in getting a PET scan to see how bad the cancer was. Other than my old boyfriend, I was completely alone/isolated. I lost all of my friends & church support when I got divorced. My parents lived 3000 miles away & did not even offer to come out & help with my baby when I was going through 2 years of cancer hell. I was completely dependent on my boyfriend for a place to live. I receive $400.00 a month for child support & food stamps, (which he takes advantage of). He has spent the 3-1/2 years we have been together insulting me, insulting my children, calling me names, trying to make me think I'm crazy, I need mental help, etc. He has to know where I am every minute of the day. If he has any stress in his life, he takes it out on me by saying something nasty to me which he never apologizes for. He treats me like a servant in his home & reminds me that I have no money to pay my way. His house is paid for & he has a well. All his bills are electric & phone. He just recently bought himself a 35 acre farm just to have a place to go ride his dirt bike. He works for himself & makes enough money to get by & buy himself presents only working a couple of hours a week. Meanwhile, I slave away, afraid of his next bad mood, when he will pick out something to drag me through the mud about. When he is upset he will not let me sleep at night, he has threatened me with his gun, and also many times threatened to kill himself with it. At this point, it wouldn't be too bad! I have had to sleep in my car in a parking lot to keep from his abuse before. I usually leave when it starts, then he calls me (last time 19 unanswered calls were left on my cell phone). When I come back to the house I still receive "punishment". It's never over till he is ready. He drinks every day & smokes pot. He lies constantly & I think he believes most of his lies. I would love to get out of this relationship, but I have zero confidence in myself. The cancer really fucked me over & I do not have the memory & mental capabilities that I once had, or near the physical strength to even work a menial job. If it weren't for my children, now ages 3 & 9, I would definetly leave. I am here because I have no one to help me & I don't have a way to take care of them. I am sure I couldn't do it. I know this isn't a good situation for them either. He has thrown things at me when he is angry, once wrecked my car while I was in it on purpose, broken my things, but claims that since he has never hit me & he has friends that he is a "good person". I don't have any friends, so I guess I know what that make me. I used to be sure I could take care of myself no matter what, but that part of me is gone. I hate being dependent on this person, but everytime he hurts me I want to leave so badly. I just don't know what to do. I feel so lost....I'm sure you can't help me either...but at least writing this makes me feel like I am doing something.
Answer Jennifer
There is always a way out! He makes you think you are weak, he makes you think that your going insane and if you stay you WILL go insane because of him! You need to get out, your children are experiencing what an unhealthy relationship is. The stress could also break you down again.
Here are some tips- Find a shelter,call around and seek resources. Not just any shelter but a shelter for battered and abused woman. They will also give you counseling and help you to look forward to the future and help you find a way.
You must go to your doctor and get him to sign some kind of disability for you especially if you can tell him anxiety or if you still have some cancer they will find a way if you aren't able to work full time.
Also you are able to take this man to court for alimony for you and your children. Even if its something! He has supported you so far for this many years he then must split everything with you 50/50 and support you continuously through payments if he has already done so. Even if the children aren't his own the children have been living a certain standard of living. You can file this court papers yourself ask the lady at the desk to help you in filing them out. You can get a courier service to serve him the documents. He then must show to court. You may also be able to apply for legal aid or something of the sort in your area.
This is unacceptable in every kind of way and this will not get better. If you have access to any of his money you could also take some a little here and there until you have enough to put yourself up.
You need to be in survival mode here because of your children. If anything ask your parents to hold you up if you have too, But get out for your childrens sake!
