AboutAlina Neal Expertise I can answer any questions concerning abuse whether it be physical, emotional and or sexual. I have been a counselor and a nurse in my life time and have lived and fought my way to being safe in all aspects.
Experience I have experienced every form of abuse and have lived through it, and come out of it stronger emotionally and physically.
Publications www.Helium.com
Education/Credentials Social work/psychology Human Relations/Counseling
Expert: Alina Neal Date: 5/4/2008 Subject: Anger at Mother
Question QUESTION: What you said is exactly what I feel towards my mother. She has helped me a lot due to my disability, Asperger's Syndrome. I don't know if you are familiar with that or with Autism but it might give you some insight into what I have problems with in the way of social skills and what not. I almost feel like getting rid of my two cats would be better for them in the long run but then I would probably lose my sanity more quickly and do something that I would regret. Even with the harm they get, which I am trying to stop, and am succeeding...they still love me. At least Brando does. At the current time, my mother refuses to talk to me until I apologize for calling her a fucking bitch in one of our many fights. I apologize for my language. Which is another of my problems. I've developed a rather nasty mouth from the fights with my mother. One thing that does bother me but not really is that my grandmother, my mother's mom, is alienating me for calling my mother that. Honestly, it hurts to lose my grandmother but why should I bother if she is going to be like my mother? The recent Christmas was tainted by my father's behavior. I had written him a letter, telling him that I wanted nothing to do with him any longer. He is a full blown alcoholic and he has never been a father to me. Maybe when I was a little child but when my mother divorced him...that was it for him. We seemed to just disappear out of his life and he moved on. The Christmas before...his new girlfriend didn't even know I existed. It was like he had no kids at all and we just ceased to be a part of his life. My brother and I really just have given up on him. Everyone has. I guess I will close for now as I don't want to overload you with information.
But I also don't want to get you in trouble for using up all of your set amount of questions. What if someone needs to talk to you more than I do?
ANSWER: Lisa
You can use one or two big emails each time and that will leave room for others to get to me, so don't worry. I am familiar with Autism as I am also a nurse. You seem to be doing pretty well for someone that does have autism. Your emails are quite clear and I do hear the anger but you have every right to be anger. You need to give me more detail? What is it that hurts you or eats at you the most? It can be small it can be big.
What makes you feel like your mom is a bitch? These are your feelings and you are allowed to have them. However fighting with your gran could only make things worse. Perhaps you could sit down with her and tell her exactly why you feel this way.
Addicts in any form are better dealt with by leaving them alone. They will only use you, hurt you and make you feel like crap. These people cannot usually be fixed. If this is something that is a constant bother to you, perhaps you and your brother together should go to Al anon its for families and friends of alcoholics and addicts. Along time ago I was attracting this type and I had to realize that the only person I could fix was me! My outlook and my trying to take care of these people in my life. I had to stop sometimes it what you have to do, is just leave them go forget about them because usually they will end up forgetting about you in the end.
Remember you are entitled to your feelings. Tell me more!
Alina
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QUESTION: Is Autism the same as Asperger's Syndrome? Or are they the same thing? I never really wanted to know anything about the stupid syndrome. I just want to be normal so I try and act normal but I end up doing weird things that no one else would do. Like a few times in the last 10 years I rode my bike through the drivethru in McDonalds. And I just do weird things that no one knows. Like writing down all the names of every dog in a dog show. It takes me forever but its just something I like doing. I hope that I am doing well. Though I have Social Security money coming in every month...I am looking for a job. I just recently had a job interview which I thought I did well at. But I am living on my own. I take care of my own bills and I am able to cook, clean and do whatever I have to do to make it on my own. Though I will admit...That my cats sometimes get their food and whatnot before me. Its 50/50 between myself and my cats in how I care for them. My cats are my babies. I love them to death though I hope that I can work through my anger so that they are not on the receiving end of my anger at times. I hate doing that and I feel like shit because after I harm them...Brando will come over to me after he is done being scared and out of hiding and will start rubbing against me and sometimes he will jump on my lap and lay down. He even lets me hold onto him in a snug but not too tight grip and he just lays there when I am feeling depressed. Depressed...another thing that bothers me. My mother has told me that I am just trying to get attention by saying I am depressed. She hasn't said that in a long time but I still remember it. Which is why I tend to hide my true feelings. I am on medicine for my kidney's. I am on Prednisone (7.5 mg..once a day), Vasotec (40 mg a day), Hydrochlorothiazide (50 mg a day). I am also taking vitamins to help my health but I still eat a lot of unhealthy food. I like eating fast food, pizza, sausage, canned foods and Ramen noodles. And I drink a lot of regular Pepsi. But I am starting to eat a bit healthier. I am trying to eat fruit and Im trying to switch from regular pepsi, which is rotting my teeth out, over to like Diet pepsi or even plain caffeine free pepsi. But thats going to take a while since I get really bad headaches if I don't drink a certain amount of pepsi a day. I will admit that I am addicted to caffeine. Guilty as charged LOL. As far as my mother being a bitch...she has never complimented me unless she feels like it. Most of the time, she is degrading me. She has told me that I am lazy..that she can run circles around me since she is in such good shape. I am very embarrassed with how much I weigh. My size ranges between 5'8" - 5'10". I once weighed 170 but now I weigh just over 205. I can't fit into my jeans and my clothes but I can't stop eating. Maybe its just being bored and eating or trying to make myself eat three meals a day but I want to lose weight. She tended to just find something wrong with everything I did. It caused a lot of fights between us. It was like I could never measure up to her standards that she thought I should have. I just want to be happy. But so long as she is in my life...I doubt that I will ever find it. I'll close for now. My fingers are tired. LOL
ANSWER: Lisa
Autism and Asperger's Syndrome are pretty much the same thing from what I've read only they tend to use Aspergers for adult instead of children.
It is great that you are trying to get a job this will help your confidence in life! You definitely seem to be doing well. Try going with out pepsi every second day for now, this will help you with your teeth and your moods. Sometimes diet can affect your moods and can even cause depression. Especially if you are addicted to caffeine you need to get off of it. Also talk to your doctor about your weight gain, I suspect it is your medication doing this to you. Prednisone is a steroid and this could cause you to gain weight.
You need to start surrounding yourself with supportive people and start taking care of your body mind and soul.
Alina
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QUESTION: Doing the caffeine thing less won't work I don't think. I tried drinking less yesterday and I woke up with a splitting headache today. I couldn't even move my head without pain. So I had to drink a Pepsi just to get rid of the headache. But on the other hand, I am doing a little better as I am putting my mother out of my mind. But I did receive two random emails from her, unexpected for sure, and she basically told me that I am making the wrong choices by not apologizing for calling her a fucking bitch and that they will miss me. It just irritates me that she thinks she can do that to me and make me grovel. That's why I think I am so angry is because she tries to control my feelings, thoughts and my actions. I hate being controlled by her and I think that that is also something that causes a lot of fights between us. But I have to tell you this since I am so excited about it. I have a fish tank, two actually, and I hope that I have them balanced out now. I have a 20 gallon with 5 mollies, 1 platy and 3 tetras and two breeder tanks with all the babies that I have. In my 10 gallon, I moved my 2 dwarf guaramis and my 3 swordtails from my 20 gallon. Hopefully my two tanks are balanced out now. If I have to switch anymore fish around, let me know please so that I can make sure that my tanks are balanced with fish so that they are not crowded. Thanks. Please help a new fish owner.
Answer Lisa
As long as you are cutting down your caffeine intake thats a good a thing. As a previous pepsi-holic I use to drink up 3 a day, I found out that I was on the verge of being a diabetic and that my sugar had a lot to do with my moods, so I quit cold turkey because I got scared of being a diabetic. I have since lost 23 pounds in one year just from cutting off pepsi. Did you know that if you put a nail in pepsi, it will disintegrate. Thats because of the acid, and thats actually what it starts to do to your teeth, your esaphogus, and you stomach lining.
As for your mom, try to forgive her just don't forget. You need to focus on yourself for now. Are you under a doctors care? You need to make sure that you are physically, mentally & spiritually well.
As for fish my dear, I am quite sorry I can't give you any advice on this subject its not what I do. Your best bet is to call the pet store.
