AboutAlina Neal Expertise I can answer any questions concerning abuse whether it be physical, emotional and or sexual. I have been a counselor and a nurse in my life time and have lived and fought my way to being safe in all aspects.
Experience I have experienced every form of abuse and have lived through it, and come out of it stronger emotionally and physically.
Publications www.Helium.com
Education/Credentials Social work/psychology Human Relations/Counseling
Question I feel so ashamed growing up I was sexually abused by family members. I ended up in abusive relationships both physical and sexually. I have children with one of my ex boyfriends he raped me four years ago. I have to stay in connect with him because of the children. I still have nightmares. The other ex I picked and moved without telling him and I still have nightmares of the night he got mad at me and choked me out. He was mad because I was high and had another guy over.I wasn't sleeping with him my ex wouldn't believe me. The next time me and my ex had sex he was very rough. I kept telling him stop he wouldn't he said he wanted to hurt me. I remember having to use ice packs because I was hurting so bad. His abuse became worse after that night. I will admit I wasn't perfect during these relationships I was having sex with other people. I got pregnant by someone close to one of my ex's I lied and told him it was someone else when he found out I had to get an abortion. I never got over it. I feel like damaged goods I have not dated or had sex since the last rape. I just want the nightmares to stop I feel like a nasty dirty sl*t all the time. I want to start dating again I'm so afraid I will make the same mistakes all over again what should I do ?
Answer Evonne
You are not a nasty dirty person, you've just gotten your signals and life mixed up and that can happen to the best of us. What you need to do is this:
#1. Get a counselor! You need someone who will be there for you to vent and be there to give you moral support so that way you find out why you are doing what you are doing and how to stop it.
#2. Go to Al-anon and Narcotics anonymous,its for friends and families of addicts also. This will help you to realize why you attract the wrong type and how to stop it as well. A man who chokes you is more then 3 times more likely to kill you.Also if you are getting high, you are numbing something and you need to get to reality. You need to get off the drugs but I am sure I don't need to tell you that.
#3. The children, you are going to ruin their life, if you do not straighten out your life. They will lead by example and follow your footsteps and OR end up wishing that you would have stopped this years ago and you will only cause them heartache. Do not think of taking any easy way out because that will only cause your children more grief then you will ever know.
#4. Be alone for awhile! Take up hobbies, workout, go to counseling, volunteer. Surround yourself with loving and supportive people, stay away from people who are addicts, beaters, cheaters or anything else that will hurt you
#5. If there is a will there is a way. There are ways of communicating with your ex other then on the phone or face to face. Try email, or a third party, you do not have to tolerate anyones bull crap.
#6. If you demand respect for yourself and get yourself clean, take pride in yourself then other people will too. Do not feel badly for people that are addicts or beaters. Do not pity them or feel badly because they had a bad life. NO, its up to you to stop this cycle! You cannot fix these people, they can only fix themselves and they are NOT your problem. You need to take the vulnerability sign down and stick by your guns. Do not let people play with your heart, with your emotions or anything else for that matter.
And finally DO what you must in life, but do not make another day "A regret". We choose our happiness, it takes little changes to make BIG changes.
