About Alina Neal Expertise I can answer any questions concerning abuse whether it be physical, emotional and or sexual. I have been a counselor and a nurse in my life time and have lived and fought my way to being safe in all aspects.
Experience I have experienced every form of abuse and have lived through it, and come out of it stronger emotionally and physically.
Publications www.Helium.com
Education/Credentials Social work/psychology Human Relations/Counseling
Question Hi...I have recently dealt with some relationship problems, and I need to know if my boyfriend is abusive. I have no one to turn to because I do not want anyone to think poorly of him. The night before last he grabbed my wrists extremely hard and pinned them down and threw me on the bed. He throws things around the room and pulls my hair. He pushes me around alot, and has broken two of my cell phones without replacing them. Yet...I still feel like its my fault because he says i cause this to happen. I love him with all my heart and he is not always like this. He has done some other things but has never hurt me too badly. He has a yelling problem and will scream at me for a long time. Then he gets mad because i ignore him while he is screaming...this is when the "abuse" starts. He puts on a very good act around other people though. Please help....should i get rid of him or try to help him?
Answer Kelly
He is NOT your problem to FIX honey. This will only get worse with time. I will tell you, 9.5% out of 10 men will not change when they are abusive unless they have gotten help without being pushed to do so.
He has to fix his self, do you know what the chances of him doing so? Very slim! When you say "Yet...I still feel like its my fault because he says i cause this to happen. I love him with all my heart and he is not always like this." This is a abused woman protecting the abuser in fear in a non direct way.
When he says you cause this to happen, do you really believe that? NO man should ever touch you, abused woman will say stuff like well its not that bad, or it was my fault. Then years later sometimes even months later they end up dead because they did not leave.
This is NOT your fault! The only thing you can control or fix honey is yourself unfortunately! Your actions will have to change if you want anything to stop. That means leaving him! Get yourself into counseling. Sometimes we put ourselves into these relationships for a reason, we attract a certain type. You need to get the "VULNERABILITY, I WANT TO TAKE CARE OF YOU" which is tattooed on your forehead off. You are no ones piss pot. Pardon my language. If he has a problem sure let HIM fix it. He is not your problem to fix. Leave get yourself counseling and start making yourself feel good. Once you do this I assure you, you will attract the right type when the time is right!
