About Alina Neal Expertise I can answer any questions concerning abuse whether it be physical, emotional and or sexual. I have been a counselor and a nurse in my life time and have lived and fought my way to being safe in all aspects.
Experience I have experienced every form of abuse and have lived through it, and come out of it stronger emotionally and physically.
Publications www.Helium.com
Education/Credentials Social work/psychology Human Relations/Counseling
Expert: Alina Neal Date: 6/18/2008 Subject: Desperately needing some help, so confused..
Question I'm a 19 year old female and have been dating my bf of 23 years of age for 5 months now, at first everything was rainbows and butterflies.. that was the honeymoon period i guess, then the little fights progressed over time. At first i really didn't take note of it.. it was a bit of yelling both contributing but then settling our differences. The majority of the time we are happy, and that's when we don't argue i guess. But nowaday he gets tired from work and little fights emerge.. the first sign was when he raised his voice and tugged my arm - quite hard, might i add. Then slowly we had arguments which progressed to him shoving me and pushing me, most the time it happens in his room so i'm pushed onto the bed. Today is a new day, a new type of experience for me - which has gotten me all confused and honestly feeling quite messed up, at the beginning we bought dinner together and he got angry because they did not have eptpos so he threw the box of food on me when we got it. On the way home, a arguement came up.. him saying i was selfish because on the same night after the food box incident he was caught on suspended liscense. For that he got agro. At his house, he shoved me onto the bed, then he dragged me a bit.. he shoved my chest down hard causind me to hit the floor. I sat there crying and he is continuously swearing and saying i am a selfish person.. he shoved and hit me on the chest.. he got angry and placed his hands around my neck and stopped after he realised what he was doing. I'm so confused because i really do love this guy and i know at this point i cant walk away.. I just love him. What is messing up my emotions is the fact that he didn't say sorry, nor did he acknowledged what he did to me.. I spoke to him on the phone.. and i was pretty shook up yet no signs of him realising what he had done.. I feel as if i do deserve this because he says i haven't been there for him, i really don't know what to do i am so confused.. i dont know whom to talk to as word might spread and rumours and all the drama.. Please help me figure this out.. I don't know why but i'm getting scared of him.. but he is a good guy, he's sacraficed so many things for me and at this best he is so loving.
Answer Lynnette
You cannot be blinded by the past ( all people have some good in them) however its the bad that can really count here. If you have ever read any of my other comments to others you would notice that I have said several times that it sometimes does not start for a couple of years. It usually starts with a push and ends with a man having his hands around your throat. If a man even puts his hands around your throat he has a good chance of eventually killing you. I remember reading this in an information session when I was in counseling for abuse. My ex had done the same, he eventually started choking me and it started getting worse and worse until I had him charged.
Good guys will not hit you or make you feel this way. Unfortunately the only person you change is YOU. You can change your reactions and your consequences for his behavior. You cannot fix an abuser. The only way they can get help is if they choose to. They cannot be pushed into it because they usually come out of it worse off. Abusers will make you feel like you can't live without them like no one else will want you. Its how they keep control over you.
Leave before its too late. And stop making yourself waste valuable time. If you do not love and respect yourself first he certainly will not either.
