Expert: Nafeesah - 6/20/2008

Question
Hey , i'm a 17 year old high school girl from Algeria and i have a serious problem , i'm from a very conservative family as all families are here and dating is not allowed , but everybody does it anyway "no big deal" it's natural to be interested to the other sex. but for me it was just a matter of curuosity i've never been in any kind of relationship before and i never did anything wrong in my life all i ever wanted is to get to meet somebody and have fun , now i've been with someone for the last 4 months (my psycho boyfriend) at first he was all sweet and charming simply perfect or so i thought. at first i turned him down for like a month before i finally said yes , he was driving me crazy with constantly asking me to be his girl ( we never even went out on an actual date we just meet at school and talk , nothing more and we became really good friends) he said that he loved me and we'll never leave me well life is no fairytale especially not mine , after a while i noticed big changes in his personality he's not the same anymore he became abusive and possessif and i want out !! but i'm stuck because he is threatenning me to tell my family about us and then my life would be soo over and i repeat we never had any u know sexual contact or something all we do is talk !!!! it's a disaster i can't do this anymore. what should i do please ? and talking to my family is not an option he's evil, how do i negotiate with a psycho please help me i have nobody.

Answer
Anytime a guy starts using manipulation especially threatening you it's time to consider legal action meaning the police needs to be involved because this is serious he's talking of hurting you. You can't negotiate with someone who's clearly not in the right frame of mind.

If you guys never went out on a date it's not really a relationship and you have to tell someone before he actually hurts you. If he's not treating you right this is not a healthy relationship. I would talk to a trusted adult or someone because if you don't say anything he could hurt you.

This idiot can say what he wants, but if you havent slept with him let alone had a date it's going to be a waste of words. Don't meet him in the halls at school go directly to your next class and go straight home don't let him stop you or get you alone anywhere. Don't accept his phone calls, block his email, and if you don't want to deal with him in school tell a trusted teacher what the problem is and see if they can help you.

Abusive men tend to do what this guy is doing don't take him seriously unless he's threatening your personal safety and if it gets to that point you have no choice, but to say something it's either he hurts you or your family flipping out on you for hiding this from them.