Expert: Nafeesah - 6/30/2008

Question
HI, I dated my ex for about a year. We lived together for the last 4 months of our relationship. He started hitting me about a month after I moved in. I finally had to call the cops. He was arrested for domestic violence 3rd degree. We have been apart for 2 months. He has tried to talk to me on and off since then but I didn't want to talk to him. He also tries to get back with another ex who has his child. About 2 weeks ago he came to me wanting a second chance and saying he doesn't care about jail. I don't know if he really wants me back or just wants the charges dropped. He says he wants us to keep our relationship quiet until we know we are officially back together. I am having a hard time trusting him. What should I do?

Answer
I wouldnt move an inch if I were you. What women don't know about mental, emotional, and physical abuse is that the abuser will use manipulation and other kinds of moves to keep you thinking he won't hurt you again. Moving in was a bad idea especially after a month of dating because the abuse among women who live with a boyfriend is 3 times the number of married women who are abused.

He's trying to manipulate you to getting back together just so he doesnt have to own up to what he does. My ex did this to me too until I stood my ground and as a result of it he left me alone. I wouldnt give this guy a minute of your time and I would move on because this guy is a loser.

You deserve better than this clown and love doesnt mean you accept abuse and mistreatment. You deserve a nice guy who will respect you the way you deserve and love is never supposed to hurt. A man who loves you will not abuse you and when you get into a relationship again I wouldnt move in with someone until you know he's someone you want a long term marital relationship with.

What you need to tell your ex is good bye and move on because you're done the moment a man decides to start beating on you he's got to go.