Expert: Nafeesah - 6/4/2008

Question
I'm really scared about my niece being with this guy, she only knew for 3 months, in the three months, he has stolen diamond jewelry, sneakers and money.  He ended his last relationship on a really bad note, her and the girl lives in the same apartment building, the girls doesn't know who she is, she call her job daily harassing her, her car windows were busted out, and she still seeing this guy, even though family members have tried to talk to her about this situation,  I know my niece suffers from depression, possibly bi-polar, I work in the counseling profession and recognized the symptoms.  She lost a child about 1 year ago and have never been the same since.  She is in and out of one bad relationship after another.  I want to tell her father about this guy stealing from her and now living with her.  I don't don't know what to do.  Please advise.

Answer
It's good you recognize that she's got signs of mental illness, but when you're dealing with mental illness you need to go about this carefully. If this guy had a bad relationship prior to dating your niece that's a red flag that he was abusive then. If anything consult with someone who's trained in dealing with domestic violence and abuse issues. If your niece is being harassed and her car vandalized then the police need to be called and a report to be filed because if this happened the next thing could be a physical attack. If this guy is stealing from your niece this too should be addressed with the police. Look at counseling if your niece lost a child she might be dealing with the aftermath of that. Talking to her father will hopefully talk some sense into her to leave this loser for good.