Expert: Dana Q - 6/25/2008

Question
im a 40 year man seeing a 29 year old lady with to boys 4/6 she snorts 7to 10 40mg oxys a day and mixis in some 30s a day plus one and a half bar xanex a day . i have nevsr done this drug but i can see its nasty . question, what do i do about this i care about her and her kids . idont belive i can help her but the kids are going to be the reail losers if i bolt . is she a bad user, to far gone or what? plus i need to keep myself heathy for my own kids .feel bad but to much drama . sucks but i think its the right thing to do! im i right?or what can i do , have tryed to go rehabe she whont go. thank you for your advice. man trying to do right thing.

Answer
Hi Drew,

Thanks for writing to me.  Unfortunately, unless she is willing to get help for her drug problem, she will not be able to quit.  An addict must want help in other to get clean.  Tell her again how much you care about her and are concerned about what the drugs are doing to her and her kids.  Try again to get her to go to rehab, maybe by getting involved in an intervention with her friends and family, if she has close relationships with them.  If she still refuses, you have every right to end the relationship with her.  There is only so much you can do in a situation like this, and you can't allow her self-destructive behavior to destroy your life, too, or to influence your kids.

Good Luck,

Dana Q