AboutKathleen Nickerson, PhD Expertise Do you feel like your partner is pulling away or pushing you away? Feel invisible, unappreciated, unloved, and neglected? It doesn't have to be this way and I'd love to help you. As an expert in working with couples who want to strengthen and repair their relationships, I've worked with many people who feel just the way you do. I understand how painful and hurtful these situations can be; it would be my honor to assist you. I am happy to answer any relationship questions or general psychology questions.
Experience I am a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in helping couples strengthen and repair their relationships. I love what I do because I love love - I am eternally optimistic about relationships and believe that any marriage can be made better.
I have a PhD in Clinical Psychology, with special emphasis and advanced training in couples counseling and marriage therapy. I have been in practice for nearly 10 years and have helped hundreds of couples to improve and strengthen their relationships.
Organizations American Psychological Association
Orange County Psychological Association
University of California, IRB
Orange County Mental Health Board
Founder, Mental Health Advisory Board, OH, Inc.
Publications I love to share my knowledge with others and in recent years, I have had the privilege of speaking at more than 150 local and national conferences and training programs. I have also been a featured guest on numerous local radio and television programs. In addition to speaking, I enjoy writing and have written over 75 professional publications. My first book, Speaking Up: How to Get Help for Children Living in Abusive Homes, is used as a textbook for teachers and provides a comprehensive overview of child abuse reporting. I collaborated with colleagues to write Save the Date, a curriculum for the United States Department of Justice for teens on developing healthy dating relationships. I am currently at work on two new books to be released later this year: It's All In Your Head: Secrets To Staying Happy and Healthy & Divorcing Your Inner Fat Girl: The Smart Woman's Guide To Emotional Health After Weight Loss.
Education/Credentials PhD - Clinical Psychology, Capella University
MS - Developmental Psychology, Capella University
BS - Chemistry, University of California, Irvine
Awards and Honors Please visit my website for my complete bio: www.drkathynickerson.com
Question When it comes to abusive relationship what first comes to mind is a man hurting a woman either physically or emotionally.I am a 38 year-old man and I've been married to a woman I really love for over 7 years.At the time I was dating her I saw a positive sign that should have kept me from going further in the relationship but she was so sweet to me at this time that I ignore everything.It was a Friday evening I went to her house her mom was bedridden at this time.The Mom called her many times she ignored her until I begged her to go find out.
To make a long story short After we got married it did not take time to see that this woman was all fake.She does not feel comfortable when my parents come to visit.If I am out of the house for one or two hours she would call me many times.When on the phone if she hears voices she wants to know who is around me.She can be happy now and before you notice she is mad as hell.She is very bossy.Nobody in my entire life ever talked to me the way she does.Five weeks ago we had sex and I forget to wear a comdom.She said no intimate relations with you because you make me afraid.The other day I went to the store bought a prenancy kit test negative.But this does not change her attitude about me.Same mood swings pushes me when I trie to touch her or have her sit next to me.I have two kids one is 2 and the other one is just 4 months old.I love them to death and do not want them to raised without me being present in their lives to play with em to help them make their homework when it is time for them to go to school.Also I am the sole provider for the family I do not want them to miss anything.I am a Dental Hygienist.I have a dental degree from my country of origin and am looking forward to go back to dental school next year.
My situation is such that I think to either find myself a girlfriend ,which I 'd not like or kill myself or go back to my home country and start my life over.
What do I need to do?
Answer Hi Josh. Thank you very much for your question. I am sorry that this is such a difficult time and I hope things will be better soon.
First of all, I don't think finding a girlfriend will make things better, it will only make things more complicated. So first you should decide what you want to do with your current relationship, then you can determine when and if you're ready for the next one.
You wrote that you love your kids and want to be there for them; if so, I think it's really important that you give your marriage every chance you possibly can. If you have done everything you can to make your marriage better and stronger and your wife still wants to push you away, then I think you could start to consider giving up. For now, my advice would be to keep trying to make things work.
I really think you and your wife would benefit from couples counseling. It does sound like she's doing some very hurtful things and she may feel that you are doing hurtful things to her, so talking to a third party who can be objective and give you some unbiased feedback would be very good.
As for how to start making things better now, I would recommend that you and your wife go to dinner and have a talk privately after dinner. It's important that you let her know how you are feeling, that you ask her how she's feeling, and that you ask for her to be your partner in making things better. You might say, "Sweetheart, I am really missing you and I wish we could be closer. It seems like you don't want to be near to me and this really hurts me. Tell me what's going on with you and how I can make things better...."
I hope this helps you get started and I wish you all the best.
