Expert: Nafeesah - 7/7/2008

Question
I have been dating a guy for almost 3 years, he says he loves me, but he blames everything on me and does not want to take responsibility on the things he has done for me not to trust him.

Answer
This is where you need to make your break because abuse always starts at the mental and emotional level and then it can escalate to physical abuse. I was fortunate that the abuse I had dealt with after dating someone for 5 years it was mostly emotional and mental abuse and nothing physical. This is where you learn the true nature of an abuser is that they want everyone else to take the rap for things they do and not be held accountable. Abusers have no real concept of consequences and reprecussions they think it doesnt apply to them.

Leaving this guy is the only way you'll have a chance to start over in a new relationship after some time has passed for you to heal from the abuse. I would hate for you to be with this guy another day and if he all of a sudden gets pissed and blames you for something he could end up battering you and saying it's your fault he got angry or who knows what else. End the relationship now before something gets more serious and out of hand. You deserve better than this low life and begin to put yourself back together so you can begin to meet men who are going to treat you with respect and care about you the way you deserved to be.

Love is never supposed to hurt and if this guy really loved you he would never abuse and mistreat you in any way shape or form. Maybe you leaving will be the reality check your boyfriend needs to grow up and assume responsibility for things he does. Maybe it will take him going to prison for a few years after battering a woman for him to get his act together. There's a lot you can give a real man instead of some coward loser with no balls because only complete losers are the ones who abuse people they reportedly love.

When you break up with this guy cut all communication phone, email,letters, and personal visits. Abusers have to have no means to reach you because they need to have the point driven home that you're not taking the crap anymore and that you deserve better. If your boyfriend says things like nobody wants you or you're nothing without him tell him I am somebody that is loved and cared for and even name off members of your family and friends who love you and see what he says then.

I did that with my ex and he got quiet because he knew that I had a lot of people backing me up and he had nobody since his own family washed their hands of him and his friends were either dead, strung out on drugs, unemployed or in prison doing anywhere between 25 years to double life sentences for attempted and 1st degree murder. My ex learned to abuse women because gangbangers did stuff like that they didnt care about the women they dealt with.

Your ex is trash and abusers should be thought of as such because they're not real people whatsoever they have no soul, conscience, empathy, or anything that is considered logically sound in nature. Abusers have only one thing in mind and that's control over the person they're hurting and over the things they do to survive and function in the world. You have too much going for yourself to waste another minute with this single digit cesspool. You should be prepared for your ex to start clowning and if he gets physical with you because you're trying to leave him have the police on speed dial and have his behind arrested if he lays a finger on you. Do not let this ******* have a word in edgewise he's had his time to talk now it's time to listen to what you got to say. Tell him it's time for you to move on and to focus on being a better person because if he loved you he wouldnt be abusing you.