Expert: David Simonsen - 7/12/2008

Question
Ok I am trying to figure out if its me or this guy that has the problem. The guy who's baby I am carrying... me and him have been fighting because I remained friends with my ex and he can't handle that. He does NOT want me talking to him. So we have fought and fought over this. Well he does NOT trust me because he knows I have not stopped talking to my ex as a friend so now he is constantly questioning me have you talked to him? Well if I give him some sarcastic answer he gets real pissed if I say calmly no i have not he goes "yeah sure" so I feel damned if I do damned if I don't. when I talk to him about this he tells me I have put myself in this situation I need to accept that he is always gonna be asking. Its irritating. the main reason I HAVE NOT stopped becasue hell if gonna be accused of it constantly might as well do it. then he finds out I have still been friends with him and here we go again. He does NOT trust me. If I am telling the truth he still don't believe me its so damn fustrating. I care about him we are haveing a baby togehter but I can't deal with this. I mean is this a case where I made my bed now I have to lie in in since I stayed friends with me ex and he can't handle it so he has a right to NOT trust me and ask me questions all the time. And if I react to the questioning irritated then he gets mad. He is good at spinning it off on me. Is he right? He also can be a jerk and when I talk to him about that he says "well you don't respect me and you talk to your ex so why should I respect you". It makes me NOT want to try. When I tell him that he goes "well then leave, your the one that put yourself in this situation". Do I just let him be a jerk and accuse me and just not say anything becasue like he said I did put myself in that situation or is this some form of manipulation to be controlling? He says I have never stopped long enough for him to trust me, I think it will never stop he will always be suspicious. Its sooooooo fustrating. He also has a temper and he gets pissed off easy like if I give him attitude and stuff like how DARE you act like that. I have tried to tell him look I love you I want to be with YOU not him he is just my friend. Nothing works he tells me I need to stop justifiying it he is NEVER gonna accept me being friends with ex and to be honest thats all it is we broke up on ok terms we just were going diff directions in life. My bf does NOT care though. He says its not right NOBODY should try to be friends with ex if they are with someone new. I say it depends on the person. I think this guy is insecure and has control issues maybe? Or is he right I am being disrespectful and now its my fault he has lost respect for me? I just want to be able to go places and stuff with out being constantly question and he says he needs to see a reason he should trust me before it will stop and I need to accept it. Will it ever? Like I said he has a temper and he gets pissy easy but he says thats becasue he is so fustrated and at the end of his rope becasue of me being friends with ex thats why he treats me like that. and that I could control the situation but I continue friendship w/ ex and that shows him I don't care about him. I do care about him I do want to be with him, its just so fustrationg. And forget trying to argue with this guy, its always "well come on don't you see my point". If you really cared you would stop talking to him........ but I am scared to give up a friendship just for him to always be this way and it NOT be the reason our relationship is like it is . What if its just HIM and how he is and I give up a friendship over his convincing me he would respect me if I did and then nothing changes?

Answer
Kelli,
WHAT are you doing having a baby when you can't even get this other stuff figured out. It is truly unfair of you to bring a child into this chaotic situation. I hope you consider adoption into a stable two parent married home. That will give your the child the best chance for success. If you are serious about your current boyfriend there is no way you should be contacting your ex. It is obvious you have feelings for this person. It is hurtful to your current BF to keep up a relationship with you ex. While I understand there is some ego gratification by keeping the relationship it does nothing but harm your current relationship. Yet, again you have made no committments to your current BF so if this is how you want to live your life and what you want your baby to experience then ultimately it is up to you. It's not wise, but you don't have a committment to anyone so it's up for you to choose.
David
www.help4life.net