Expert: Dana Q - 7/29/2008

Question
QUESTION: I have an ex-boyfriend that came back into my life after three-years.  Three years ago, he did some bad stuff that almost cost me my job as well as almost landed me in jail because he was trying to help my bipolar ex-husband.  The only reason I let him back in my life right now is there is a matter with my job that (he and my ex-husband created) I need to get the green light that all is ok with my job and I don't want him to create anymore problems like he did last time.  I really want out now but I know he will do something to cause more problems with my job even though he swore he was sorry and would never hurt me again what should I do?  He is very smart and knows the law very well…

ANSWER: Hi Sue,

In order to answer your question better, I will need a little more info.  What is the "bad stuff" that he did to you a few years ago?

Thanks,

Dana Q

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have an ex-boyfriend that came back into my life after three-years.
Three years ago while I was dealing with having false charges brought against me by my bipolar ex-husband, I was in a relationship with this guy who was still living with a woman out of state.  He agreed to help me get a job in his state so I could get away from my ex.  However when he mention getting married, I told him how could we get married when he has not truly ended his relationship with the woman he was living with.  

I turned down the job and he got ballistic.  He said how I could disrespect him like that…  I refused to answer his phone calls and he sent the cops to my house one night saying he was worried about me.  We had an argument and I told him I just wanted out, so he said everything that ends, ends badly, I told him it didn’t have to be that way, but bad is how it ended.  He then called my job and told them I had been arrested, before I had a chance to tell them. He called a branch of the government in an attempt to get my work level revoked so I couldn’t work. he called my ex-husband and his family and told them where I worked (information I was trying to keep quiet), and he filed a restraining order against me added his girlfriend name and her son to it (people I have never met) in an attempt to give strength to my ex-husband’s case. In addition, he call my father pretending to be a detective so just incase he wanted to find me he could.

The only reason I let him back in my life right now is there is the matter with my job that (he and my ex-husband created) I need to get the green light that all is ok with my job and I don't want him to create anymore problems like he did last time.  I really want out now but I know he will do something to cause more problems with my job even though he swore he was sorry and would never hurt me again what should I do?  He is very smart and knows the law very well…


Answer
Sue,

You absolutely should not stay in this relationship any longer.  This man will continue to create problems in your life and intimidate you into staying with him unless you take action now to protect yourself legally.  He is not the only one who is able to bring the law into this.  You can also file a restraining order against him.  Discreetly inform your employer that you have been harrassed at work by this man before in order to pre-empt any problems he may try to cause.  You have the legal right not to be harrassed by anyone at work (even an outsider), and your employer has the legal right not to have its employees disturbed while they are working.  Your company can involve the law if he continues to disrupt the work environment there, even if it is just with phone calls.  Once you obtain the restraining order, document any incidents and keep law enforcement informed.  I recommend that you contact a lawyer or another "expert" on this site who specializes in legal issues with this question, as I am sure there are other methods of recourse that I am not aware of or have not mentioned here.  No one has to put up with this kind of harrassment.

Good Luck,

Dana Q