Expert: Dana Q - 8/17/2008

Question
Hi Dana~

All I can say is I am very confused!
I have been with my husband now for 5 years. I was married once before and ended after 13 years (highschool sweetheart) of being together (drugs/alcohol)...I then met my husband now several months after my divorce..... I believe I may be experiencing a verbal/emotional abusive relationship but I am not sure.  A number of things have happened as I will describe below:
*I am called physco, mental and crazy when we argue which makes me even more angry and furious
*He laughs at me if we are having a disagreement or if I am crying he says he is sick of seeing me cry all the time and if I am being made this unhappy by him why am I still with him. (he asks)
*He is looking for someone to love him and treat him with respect.
*when he calls me names I ask him do I deserve that and he never NEVER answers the question and it frustrates me to where I will begin to to yell cuz he changes the subject and trys to blame it on me...
*Statements of "we don't "f***" we fight
*Are you going to call your mommy and tell her what horrible things I do to you
*telling me what I do and how I act is wrong and that I will always have a problem with him
*when I give my opnion or advise about his business he says for me to mind my own business
*looks at porn and other women- tells me he does so because he's a man!
*Tells me I am being childish and playing kid games
*After being separated for 3 months I Found naked pictures of him on his computer.  He said that he was going to send them to me BUT then I told him I am not that stupid; he then confessed that he was going to use them for one of those web-sites and was drunk but NEVER did so??..???
*He would block me in rooms/doorways and grab me by my forearms and so I would not leave the house; it came to a point one time and one day that I said get out of my way twice and he said "or what" and by impulse I just kneed him in the "manly area"...well the repercussion was as follows:  he grabbed me by my throat slammed me into the wall we bounced off the bed and ended up with him ontop of me on the floor saying "I will kill you you f'ing whore I will kill you" (this happened in December)
*He tells me he has to walk around on eggs shells with me.  
*No one visits us because they know all we do is fight.
*We have no friends and our relationship is not normal and it hurts him and makes him sad and says why can't we be normal like others?
*He is nice to his coworkers because his coworkers don't treat him like I do he says
*I don't appreciate the things he does for me; in the meantime I directly tell him "I wish I could do the same wonderful things you do for me all the time (buying, trips)"
*I don't feel good about myself anymore and I am always looking at younger women thinking  my husband is checking them out because his head is always turning to see them.... (he's a man)??? Am I being to jealous or looking into things to much?
I don't attend Karate class anymore; I don't visit my parents because I am afraid of what might be going on or feel I have to rush home.
I really appreciate you taking the time to read my story about my occurring problems in my life and look forward to hearing from you.
Yours Truly
Confused

Answer
Hi Michelle,

Thanks for writing to me.  You need to leave your husband immediately.  He is verbally, emotionally, and physically abusing you.  Staying with him will not only destroy your soul but it could very well be fatal.  Please get out of this marriage now!  If need be, go to a women's shelter.  You cannot afford to allow him to abuse you any longer.  He will not change and it is not your fault.  Don't allow yourself to become a statistic.

Good Luck,

Dana Q