Abusive Relationships/abuse

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Expert: - 8/16/2008


Question
"I've been married to my wife for four months. We are part of a religion that encourages arranged marriages, so we'd only seen each other a few times before our wedding. She informed me last month that her father had been sexually abusing her from when she was six to when we were married (she's 19 now). I know she hasn't had any other partners and I wanted to know how to approach sex. Obviously we've made love at a few points in our marriage so far, but we are still basically strangers. I don't want her to feel the same way about our relationship as she does about the one she has had with her father. She keeps telling me it's ok and that she wants to have sex, but when I touch her she flinches and sometimes she gets physically sick after we make love. She's even thrown up on occasion. However, when I push her away she believes that I'm not interested in her (which is not the case). She has absolutely no self esteem and has called herself a 'worthless, filthy, whore' and sees nothing wrong with that. I don't want her to think I agree with that statement, but I also don't want her to feel like she has to have sex with me. Especially since we haven't known each other long or well. I would also be lying if I didn't say that when I do touch her now I have this picture in my head of her father raping her when she was very young. It's not the best thing to have there during a romantic moment, so I was wondering how I can try to put a stop to that as well."

Answer
Dear Matt,

Take your wife to  psychologist/counselor for  a few sessions.

Make  a mutual  agreement  with your  wife that  you  both  will be  having  sex further  only after  you  both discover each   other.

Feeling of  strangers  should  go  away from you.

Both of   you  must practice  serious  prayers.

Have  a happy life.

Best wishes,
Dr.Sunu Sundar

Abusive Relationships

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Dr.Sunu Sundar

Expertise

I am a psychologist committed to Christ and enjoy relationship in His company.I can answer questions related to sexually abusive relationships in families. I can effectively deal with victims of abusive relationship. I am also efficient in dealing with child abuse and incest. I am here to help others who have questions related to above said issues. You may visit www.mindpanchakarma.org to know more about my mission

Experience

I have been a dealing with victims of sexual abuse since 2000.I have dealt with many teenagers who suffered abusive relationships. Listening to victims of incest and child sexual abuse has made me a better counselor in dealing with these issues.

Organizations
Mind Detoxification Therapy Home Ashram(MDT) In Mind Detoxification Therapy Home Ashram we treat people focusing on holistic healing. Various types of therapies offered here for detoxifiying the mind and body are derived from the wisdom of traditional Indian medical system and medicines. Victims of abusive relationship are offered special One to One residential therapy for complete healing of mind. Special packages for healthy life are available for couples and students. Treatments offered her are based on alternative medical system derived from the wisdom of saints on ancient times. Treatments are harmless with no side effects. A team of doctors headed by Dr.Sunu,committed towards the welfare of the patients are on duty in the MDT clinic

Publications
I have been writing on psychological issues in a Tamil monthly magazine called 'KULANTHAIGAL PARALUMANTAM'. I also write in a health magazine Makkal Maruthuvam.

Education/Credentials
I have a Master degree in Psychology. I also have another Master degree in Sociology. I have taken intense training from the Jesuits for seven years in the field of Personality, Self, Discipline and Morality. I am a psychologist committed to Christ and enjoy relationship in His company.

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