Expert: Nafeesah - 8/18/2008

Question
i was with a man on and off four 7 years i left him he wouldnt stop abusing ,i found out he was married a few months ago .will he treat her right why would he all of a sudden get married is his 3 one .i know he hasnt changed,i dont understand why now he married,i know him theirs something in it for him . money he used to fight about how much more he made .the women hes with dont work she unemployed. i hurd she need health coverage so he marrued her i gusse i dont know why now will he stop abusing now that he married

Answer
If you learned that he was married after being with him off and on for 7 years I hate to be honest with you, but the signs should have been in your face a lot time ago. I was with a guy myself for 5 years, but it wasnt until around halfway through the 4th year into the 5th year is when I learned he was married. The signs are there if he's had a sketchy past with other women that should have been signs that he was either married or involved with someone. If you also learned that he's been abusive that's another red flag and if he was abusing you chances likely all his other relationships were abusive as well.

Some people change and some don't, but abuse is something men are conditioned to especially if they grew up watching their mother or some female relative getting abused. How much do you know about this guy's background? If you were with him for 7 years you had to know something about his background and met his family or someone who knew him. If you didnt then that's also a tell tale sign a man is married is when you don't meet his family and friends because he would have gotten called on things if his friends and family caught on to what he was doing.

If you said he's only been with women who don't work and are unemployed that's also a sign that he's abusive because abusive men target specific kind of women mostly ones with low-self esteem and will take his crap. You need to look at what attracts you to men like this and change it. I started working on self esteem which is what eventually sent my ex packing after I broke up with him because he didnt expect me to drop him, but a strong confident woman is what makes most abusive men run because they like weak women they can control. You can do better than someone who abuses women be with someone who is going to treat you with respect.