Expert: Dana Q - 8/5/2008

Question
I am in an abusive relationship and I can't figure a good way out.  I'm an
american male, living in china.  I've been with a chinese girl for about a year
and a half, the last six months of which i've tried numerous times to end.  I've
asked her to leave and move out, she won't.  I moved to another city, she
tracked me down.  I've thrown her and her belongings out of the apartment
and locked her out for days, she got the police to break the lock when  was
gone.   I tell her i don't lover her, she won't believe me.  she won't leave me.
I'm at my wits end. She continually asks if i love her, if i say "no" honestly, she
throws violent temper tantrums until i lie and say i care about her.  I've been
slapped, bitten, kicked, stabbed with a corkscrew, had bottles thrown at me,
my belongings smashed and destroyed.  She has locked herself in the
kitchen, turned up the gas, and threatened to blow up the apartment.  
Threatened to call the police and say i'm a terrorist or that i beat her.  my
chinese isn't very good, so i can't really defend myself. Also, she has my
families contact info, and threatens to call them and say i did horrible things.  
The only way to make her stop the tanturms, is to say i love her and will take
care of her.  But its obviously a lie, and she has to know it. But when i tell her
the truth, i get tortured.  I"m in hell, and i don't know how to get out.  I could
move out of the country, but i really enjoy my job and don't want her to run
me out of the country.
She was abused by her father as a child, and he abandoned her family when
she was a teenager.  so i now she abuses me and won't let me run out on her.  
And know i find myself starting to abuse her, i used to just take the beating,
now a push her back, even slapped her once.  that is not the person i want to
be.  She is taking all my money and my spirit my self respect and my will to
live.  I need out.  please help if you have any advice, i know it must end, i just
don't know how to safely do it.

Answer
Hi Todd,

Thanks for writing to me.  You need to call the police immediately before she seriously injures you or baits you into seriously injuring her.  Unfortunately, she is seriously mentally ill and is not going to stop mimicking the violent behavior she learned from her father because of your love.  Please get the police involved before she destroys you, mentally and/or physically.

Good Luck,

Dana Q