AboutDr.Sunu Sundar Expertise I can answer questions related to sexually abusive relationships in families.
I can effectively deal with victims of abusive relationship. I am also efficient in dealing with child abuse and incest.
I am here to help others who have questions related to above said issues.
Experience I have been a dealing with victims of sexual abuse since 2000.I have dealt with many teenagers who suffered abusive relationships. Listening to victims of incest and child sexual abuse has made me a better counsellor in dealing with these issues.
Publications I have been writing on psychological issues in a Tamil monthly magazine called 'KULANTHAIGAL PARALUMANTAM'
Education/Credentials I have a Master degree in Psychology. I also have another Master degree in Sociology. I have taken intense training from the Jesuits for seven years in the field of Personality, Self, Discipline and Morality.
Question QUESTION: I'm 22 and my wife is 19. We started going out five years ago and have been married for four months. One month ago my wife confirmed my suspicions that she had been sexually abused by her father from the time her mother died (she was six) to when we moved in together after we were married. I wish she would have told me sooner, but I guess I can't change that, now. Anyway, I've found a lot of information about how to help her (I'm the first and only person she's told. I'm trying to get her to go to counseling either with or without me, but no dice) on the web in every aspect but sex. She seems to want to resume what we were doing before, but when I touch her unexpectedly she flinches. She seems disappointed when I tell her I'm not in the mood, but after we do make love she gets physically sick. She actually threw up once. I know she hasn't been physically involved with anyone but myself and her dad. And I definately don't want her to think I don't want her. What should I do?
ANSWER: Dear Melissa,
I understand the gravity of the past abuse that your wife is suffering presently from your mail.
I have a few more questions for your wife, however since you(husband) have mailed, I here try my best to understand the situation with out detailed enquiry.
It is evident to some extent that what your wife is going through is the consequences of the abuse she sufered.You will be able to minimize very much her sufferings by adopting a few simple techniques.
-Make love only when your wife is in proper mood.
-Avoid oral sex and kinds of sexual actions that may seem ugly to your wife.
-Make love gently fully with love. i.e. she should be drenched with your love and care before and while you make love to her.
-For the time being avoid touching her unexpectedly.
-Practice meditation, Yoga every day(you and your wife).Learn it through a proper qualified professional.
Most of all get your wife to 'Vomit out' all the experiences she had with her father both sexual,physical etc.This should be done like what catholics call Confession/Sacrament of Confession on regular intervals atleast for 3 to 6 months.
For 'Vomiting out' your your wife must choose a psychologist/counselor/friend who is hundred percent trust worthy.
This 'Vomiting out' process can be done with a help of online counselor(at regular intervals), whom she has never seen and met. If she feels in this comfortable it helps.
This is not a grave issue.Your wife's problem is well 'treatable'
Once she empties her heart, mind and memories regarding the abuse she suffered she will be ok.
Have a great day,
With Prayers,
Dr.Sunu Sundar
---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------
QUESTION: What other information did you need? I'm certain I could figure it out or even ask her.
Answer Dear Melissa,
First
It would help me if she can tell me vividly all that she is remembering about the abusive experiences with her father.
Second
It will be very helpful if she comes forward to do the 'Vomiting process' online here.
