Expert: Azure - 8/14/2008

Question
Help! I have three kids, none are his, yet he acts as though they are. He calls me horrible names in front of the kids, and destroys my property, yet tries to turn my family against me. Although my parents claim to hate him, if I try to leave him, he will call them and say I am mentally unstable, or drunk, or on drugs, and not to listen to me, or will find any way to make others believe he is right, and I am in the wrong, leaving me nowhere to turn. I have called 911 on him and he was arrested, now anytime we fight, if I even go near a phone he will rip it out of the wall and say things like, "If you call I will make your life a living hell until they get here!". He even has my kids terrified to leave that they won't have anything without him around, and that everything belongs to him! He has threatened to call my employer and spread false rumors about me to get me fired, he has also threatened to call DCFS and make accusations to try to get my kids get taken away if I try to leave him. I feel trapped, and scared and alone. My kids never want to stay home, they want to be at friends houses all the time because they can't stand to see the fighting. When I talk to my family alone, they just tell me to either leave him, or find a counselor to talk to about it. I make good money, but not enough to pay all the bills, car payments, and rent too. Most of the furniture in the house is mine, and I believe he would either try to destroy it all, or do anything to make sure I have nothing. Where do I turn? I feel I have nobody to help me.

Answer
i essentially agree with the family--you need to work on an exit plan, that covers all concerns; perhaps there is a friend/family member you can stay with in the short term; an attorney and counselor that deals with abused women, both need to be seen;  then, the authorities need to be informed as to his behavior/threats;  do you understand?