Expert: David Simonsen - 8/11/2008

Question
I have been married to my husband for 2yrs. He has always kept me at a distance and seems to make other people so much more important. He left to visit his 2 children from another marriage and will be gone for 2mths. They live in a tropical area and he likes to be on his own. During the first year, he had a male friend over daily with whom he relied on for emotional support. It made it impossible for us to build private life. His friend told me they were together which is what i suspected all along and that he was gay.When his mom passed away he wanted nothing to do with me and went to him for support. Well, we seperated for one year. Now i have moved back in with him, but he seems to be up to his same old tricks again. I could kick myself for allowing him to talk me into depositing a joint tax return into an account in his name only. Over $5,0000 which he will not give to me. The list is endless. He does things to me as if there is no remorse, connection to me, im not his wife, im a stranger, and little feeling for what others are feeling. I have a stable job with a decent salary, pension, and health insurance. I don't depend on him financilly. So, my question is why do i go back to him, believe his excuses for his actions etc. I feel its important to mention i have a mother who is aloof, mean, and distant. Cold as ice. I think i don't recognize when someone is doing the wrong thing from years of making excuses for her behavior. Some days i feel everything is okay and others i feel completely different. I feel like two different people. Of course, his excuses and dr. jeckyl/ mr. hyde personality doesn't help. I feel like i suffer over this so much and he barely thinks about what he does ot me. Why  give him so much of my time?? ty

Answer
Freda,
I would imagine there is a part of you that must think you deserve this behavior. If you had a mother who is cold to you then when someone shows any type of care towards you it must feel amazing. This guy has figured out the right formula to keep you on the leash. You also may be desperate. You may think if he doesn't keep you who will. Bottom-line if this is the way you want to continue living your life then keep doing what you are doing. If you don't like it then you need to make the CHOICE to stop. You can do it, you don't because it is too difficult. Good decisions are usually difficult. I suggest you make a good decision in this case.
David
www.help4life.net