Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 1/3/2009

Question
What do you do when your boyfriend is pulling away from because he has an addiction to crack cocaine, I dont talk to him as much anymore or get to spend any time with him, he was in a rehab for 30days and I made sure he had everything he needed I even gave him money every week as soon as he got out has not been to see me hes only called twice and its been a week already since he had been out. I'm hoping his distance is becuase of the drug and I alsp need some info on behavior from this drug is it normal for them to push away from people they love and who love them

Answer
Dear Jamie,
Your question came to me today and I hope that in the time since you wrote, things have become more clear.

You asked if addicts tend to push people away from them and the answer is yes.  The more pronounced the addiction gets, the less an addict will need relationship with people. The drug becomes the object of their affection and the main source of "pleasure" in their lives.

One thing that you need to be aware of in relationships with addicts is the co-dependency factor.  You may fall into that category.  When you help someone rather than requiring them to be responsible for themselves, when you enable them by covering for them, making excuses for them or allowing them to treat you in inappropriate ways, that is co-dependency.  

What is the motivation for you to keep pursuing a relationship with someone who is addicted to drugs?  More often than not, these relationships become very problematic and hurtful.  It would be important for you to decide if that is what you really want in your life.

I would encourage you to be wise in these circumstances.  If I can be of any further assistance to you, please feel free to contact me again.

Blessings,  Kriss