Expert: Nafeesah - 1/27/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hi my names amber I'm 16 years old and i get abused by my boyfriend jerry.We only been together 10 months so far and I'm already scared of breaking up with him.He tells me that he is gonna kill me if we break up he tells me i cant have no friends,i cant talk to none of my family members and that i cant even go to school and i don't know why i cant just break up with him?He also been putting his hands on me and I'm just a teen, and i don't know how to handle it so all i do is cry i cant tell my family because they will just make it worse for me. He is also calling me names and he loves to yell at me when we are at the mall just so i will cry in front of everybody, i don't even have anymore it feels like i forgot how to. I don't smile i don't laugh, i don't do anything.Thats why I'm writing to you can you please tell me something that i can do??

ANSWER: Listen very carefully to what I am about to tell you GET OUT OF THIS RELATIONSHIP. This guy is dangerous and if he threatened your life you need to get your parents or a trusted adult involved because this is serious. Do you realize that every 15 seconds a woman is beaten or killed so right now as I write this several women have been brutally beaten or killed. You need to consult with a school counselor because if you don't do something now he could get even more violent. You should be able to talk to your parents about this because this is serious he's treating you like trash and threatening your life if you leave him. Once you leave him do not start dating anymore until you resolved your issues from this abusive relationship. I took a full break off from dating exactly 2 years to work on myself. You're young and vulnerable, but don't ever let some boy mistreat you like you don't matter. Start with telling your parents because what is your boyfriend going to do if your parents tell him he can't come to the house anymore nothing. I would also consider speaking to his parents about his threats and the abuse because they need to be aware that their son has some problems that need to be addressed. The school counselor can also sit down with the pricipal to discuss how to protect your safety and security and if he approaches you in the hall, lunchroom, or where students gather. Abuse always starts emotionally, mentally and then gradually increases to physical violence. You have to get out of this relationship before he seriously hurts you.

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QUESTION: THANK YOU I REALLY GLAD YOU TOLD ME ALL THAT..BUT HIS PARENTS KNOW HIS DAD USED TO BEAT HIS MOM AND HE AIN'T ALOUD HERE ALREADY BUT I'M REALLY GONNA USE YOUR ADVICE THANK YOU AGAIN

Answer
You're welcome and remember that love is never supposed to hurt and you are worth a nice guy who will care and respect you. I was engaged to a guy who knocked me out cold for ending the engagement and the relationship after he got emotionally abusive. Stand up and end the abuse because you're being real by doing that and let what you do be an example to others that you have zero tolerance for abuse in any form. Give yourself ample time to recover from what you've been through before you consider dating again and remember the moment a guy becomes abusive leave him and don't look back.