Expert: Nafeesah - 1/29/2009

Question
I have been married for only 4 months.  Two months into the marriage my husband and I had an argument and he choked me.  He doesn't care where we are he will do it if he is angry enough.  Yesterday, he not only choked me but also threatened me with a knife, putting my life in danger.  Oh but he is so apologetic and will even get help for his anger.  How do I believe him this time?  I don't want the embarrassment of another failed marriage yet I am afraid we are headed in that direction.

Answer
I would rather be an embarassment than a statistic. More women are killed by abusive spouses and partners than a random act of violence. If he threatened you with a knife it's time to get out because every time abusers say they're sorry and get help it's an act to make you convinced that they're actually sorry. It only takes one time for me to realize it's time to leave. The moment a man raises his hand whether to hit, punch, slap, shove, or whatever I am done dealing with him. You can get over embarassment, but you can't get another life. I wouldnt tolerate abuse in any form and it sounds like your husband may have a history of abusing the women he's with did he ever tell you why his last relationship ended? If he tells you it's because they didnt get along or she cheated likely they're excuses for covering up for abuse. I would also check for a history of being arrested for domestic violence and battery and use that infomation in court because if there's a history documented your case and situation can hold up. Either way don't stay with someone who physically abuses you it's not going to get better trust me.