Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 10/9/2009

Question
I have been married to my husband for 3 years and together for 10. we have 2 young kids under 5. I am a stay at home mother and just started up my Event management company last year. My husband and I are constantly arguing, fighting, yelling at each other. I feel like I go married for the wrong reasons, and am regretting it.
I feel like a prisoner, I am home all day with the kids. He forbids me to go out with my friends, or even out by myself. If i do go out to a friends I end up staying there all night because I don't want to deal with him when I get home. He has physically hurt me before, and when he drinks I feel he will do it again.
I have NO money at all it has all been invested into my company. I have and never had any access to his bank accounts so leaving him just doesn't seem like an option. Including the fact that we have one vehicle, and he takes it to work every day. I have tried to leave once before but he told me that he was going to call the cops and get me arrested for kidnapping and I would never see my kids again.
Can I take my kids if I decide to leave? I just don't know what to do any more I feel like a child, helpless. I have no family in this country (CA)they are all in the us and he uses that against me.

Answer
Hi Ashley,
I can certainly see that this is a controlled and manipulated environment, which is common with abusers.  Many of your questions are legal ones which I can't answer, but I would strongly encourage you to contact a divorce attorney or some kind of legal representative and find out what your legal rights are as far as your children and community property.  Once you are married, it is my understanding that community property laws come into effect so it makes no difference what bank accounts are under what name, each person is entitled to half.  However I know nothing about Canadian law so that is purely supposition on my part.  

Often what holds us in a place of helplessness is all the unanswered questions.  What you don't know holds you captive and most abusers are very willing to inform you of your rights and they usually don't know any more than you do.  Knowledge is power Ashley.  The more you know, the stronger you are.  Don't accept information from him, he has a vested interest in giving you information that inhibits you.  Check everything out for yourself.

I truly wish you well and if I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me.

Blessings, Kriss
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