Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 10/7/2009

Question
My wife completely denies that she has been abusive in any way but I feel certain she has been to both me and my child, My wife has screamed out several times one night that my daughter's mother was a whore and slut with my daughter in the next room, talk's to her like a dog and tells her speak child speak! grabs her by both arms and bends over and puts her face in my childs face and yells at her with her teeth clinched. as for me she has gotten angry with me and slapped me in the chest 5 or 6 times and said that was not abuse, I have a heart condition, and on several occasions started screaming at my with me literally begging her to stop and that i was afraid she would give me a heart attack and i would did. still she said this is not abuse. would call me names but say it is not verbal abuse. she would say i was economically abusive because I would ask her if she has paid her credit card bills, but not acknowledge the fact that the reason I would ask is because over four years she ran up thousands of dollars, that I didn't know about, and not paying the bills on time,resulting in 29.9% rates and effecting our credit.fallowed me around and yelling when I would try to walk away from an argument, stand in front of or hang on to my truck if I tried to drive away to avoid an argument. went to all of my family over a four year period and played the victim and trashed me, but would not tell them the things she has done to me. even went to my ex-wife and told her about the argument we had about her calling my ex-wife a whore and slut with my child in house, but did not tell her the whore and slut part. I feel betrayed by my wife as well, she was calling and meeting for coffee and lunch her ex-boyfriend for two years, with out my knowledge, she said she did nothing wrong. we are currently separated, and I found out that the day after she left, she started talking to a man she meet at the bar she works at. when I asked her about that she said he is just a friend, I find that unbelievable. She blames the separation on me and only says she has been a good wife and mother, and will not admit to any wrong doing. am I crazy or am I the only person that can see a problem with her behavior.

Answer
Dear Randy,
There is definitely something wrong with any type of behavior that includes physical and verbal abuse.  I'm not sure that you have a question here beyond wanting my opinion, but I would advise you to contact child protective services if you believe that your child is being abused.  Parents are responsible for the safety of their children and if you witness or see evidence that the child is being traumatized, it would be in your best interest to either contact an attorney or CPS.  Any counselor, doctor, nurse, teacher or social worker who becomes aware of this situation is a mandatory reporter, which means they will report abuse if it is suspected.

Also, just for informational purposes, you might visit a website  www.bpdcentral.org and read the information that is presented there.  Only you will be able to determine if any of what is there fits your situation, but it may be of some help to you.  This disorder only fits if the person has behaved in this manner all their lives, not just for a few years.

You mentioned that your wife works in a bar but did not indicate if there was any problems with alcohol.  Alcohol and withdrawal from it can present in intense anger, anxiety and severe mood swings as well.  

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.  Please go to my website  www.livingwellcc.com and click on library.  There are some articles there that you may find helpful as well.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me.

Blessings,  Kriss