Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 10/12/2009

Question
I have been with my boyfriend now for 6 months and everything was good for the first couple of months, then things started to change. i work full time and he was currently unemployed when things started to get bad. to start with he finished with me because he thought that i was still in love with my ex (who works at my work) then apologized for thinking these things. second time i was speaking to my best friend (who is a bloke) on the phone and when i got off he flipped out on me telling me that i was a slut and that i should be with him. He was fully aware that most my best friends are guys as i get along with them a lot easier but still flipped. he started to get really insecure and paranoid that i was cheating on him with the guys at my work, which i would never even think about doing. he couldn't get hold of me one night and when he did he flipped out on me, he walked in the door and pushed me into the wall, he through my keys at me and then pushed me against the wall again. i tried to go and speak to him after and he through juice all over me at the same time calling me really nasty names like slut and whore and saying i was nothing but a skank and it was all my fault he flipped out. things were resolved quickly and was forgotten about. we had a massive argument again revolving around the fact that he thought i was cheating with some guys at my work and saying that i would get bored. i met him that night and when i did, he spat in my face, pulled my hair and tried to make me crash my car. when i was away to drop him off he threatened that if i didn't speak to him he would kill me. there has been a lot of arguments since and he always threatens that he is going to stab my in the face so no one will ever find me attractive again and also that he is going to knock me out. we play fight quite a lot but he seems to always take it too far as he hits me harder and harder every time and when i ask him to stop he doesn't. when we argue he always calls me nasty names and then says its all my fault that we fell out in the first place.

a friend of mine says that i need to get rid of him but what i want to know is...are things going to get worse??

Thanks

Answer
Dear Linzi,
Although it is always difficult to predict the future, statistically the answer to your question is yes.  Violence and abuse escalates until something happens to intervene which changes the violent dynamic.

I'm not sure the question is relevant to your situation however.  You are already being abused, verbally, emotionally and he has tried to kill you and is threatening to disfigure you.  In my book, any of those things would be excellent grounds to walk away, but yet you are staying and asking the question...are things going to get worse?  Honestly, they are VERY bad now...the only thing that could be worse is if he kills you or disfigures you to some extent.  Why wait around for that?

Your friend is giving you wisdom and if I were you, I would listen.  This is not a good relationship and you have no control over whether it gets better or not.  This is not about you, it is about his reaction to a situation he is unable to control.

These are hard decisions, but you have to understand this isn't about love, this is now about safety and you need to do whatever you need to do to be safe.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me.

Blessings,  Kriss
www.livingwellcc.com