AboutNafeesah Expertise I can answer just about anything on abusive relationships, but I can't give legal advice on how to get out of one that's something you need to speak with a counselor trained and certified to deal with domestic violence issues to get resources in pursuing legal recourse.
Experience I have been in abusive relationships and I have shared my experience in helping others to get out of these types of relationships. I was in two abusive relationships one lasting nearly 2 years and the other just over 5 years.
Education/Credentials Associates degree, bachelors degree, and I am a certified nursing assistant
Question QUESTION: I have two children with my husband a nine years old girl and seven year old boy , we got married after 10 years. I had the children with in the ten years already . during the ten years I felt very neglected by him because we did not live together and his excuse year after year was that he is building the house, when the down stairs of the house was almost complete he put his brother and wife and their child in his home and left me in my bedroom with our two children when I confronted him ,he said I have to waite for the upstairs to be complete before I can move in ,he stalled in completing it then I began to see others members of his family moving in and out , this made me very frustrated ,when my son was two years old I met someone at work he gave me attention this was lacking in my relationship I could talk to him , when my husband saw this he said for us to get married . In October of 03 we put up bands ,then in January of 04 he told me that a girl was pregnant for him.I got angry and now he blames me and tells me that i caused that because i was with some one else ,my instincts always told me he was with some one and even friends but he always denied it . I believe he was with the person all along while i lived at home when he told me about the pregnancies i didn't believe him honestly, because he would never be straight with me he always lies . Then we got married in April of 04 ,from January to October he didn't mention any thing to me again until the child was born . I decided to make things work we are married five years now and in the five years i haven't seen the person or have been introduced to her all i see is the five year old child ,his whole family accepts her and the child very much and they treat me like I am the outsider although I have known him for fifteen years, he doesn't take me to pick up the child he doesn't tell me anything he goes there any time he wants .the first year of our marriage she sent a text saying , (Hi Darent this is Lydia thanks for the great sex and I hope we have some more) ,we argued and he said that she was being sarcastic he made a joke with her and she thought he was going there to have sex with her , some time last year she sent another text satiny that (you have the qualities and characteristics that make people want to be in your world I am one of them I love you honey). we argued again and he said he doesn't know why she sent that. I again dismissed it because i love him .I believe he is making a fool of me because he is trying to please both of us ,what gets me is that i told his family about the messages and they are very good friends with her they invite her when they go out. and i am his wife the latest I heard was that he is building a home for the child and mother . i know of this because his child told me that daddy is building an house for mummy and me .How do you take news like that i am frustrated and don't know what to do i am very tired of this I am trying but i feel as if in vain I need some advice please
ps there is more to tell but I don't want to bore you with my problems.
hurting
ANSWER: Don't let this man blame you for his cheating because it's not your fault he's behaving immaturely and getting another woman pregnant is in fact a cop out because he doesnt want to take responsibility for his behavior. This is typical of men who cheat they want to make it sound like you're the one who's the root cause of their problems. Don't let him blame you for his poor choices since he brought it on himself and by him blaming you he's admitting his own fault in the matter. People that don't want to assume responsibility for things they do will pull stunts like this trying to blame others for their own bad behavior.
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QUESTION: What do I do now ? It bothers me that I told his family about the messages she sent him and they accepts her ,just imagine all i see is a child and have never seen the mother .I feel as though he is trying to please both of us.you wont believe how tired i am of this I hate it. another issue is that he is building a house for her and the child now what beats me about this is that I am at home taking loans to make us comfortable and he is has all this money to build another house for this woman .I feel like a fool all the time,my plan is to stop spending my money and try to get out of this mess its hard to take news like this ,I try with this relationship and I make a lot of accommodations to make it work I am tired really tired and weary.
hurting
Answer If his family is accepting of this kind of behavior it's time to move on because why would you want to continue to be mistreated by someone. You have put yourself through a lot of stress and unnecessary anguish dealing with this man. You may love him, but he's obviously not concerned with you since he's taking your money and using it on another woman which to me is totally and completely unacceptable. It's time to leave this marriage and move on to have a life for you and to move on to a relationship where the man treats you good and not like a doormat. You have too much to offer a good man who's not going to use and cheat on you.
