Expert: Azure - 10/9/2009

Question
QUESTION: Mr Azure
I have two children with my husband a nine years old girl  and seven year old boy , we got married after 10 years. I had the children with in the ten years already . during the ten years I felt very neglected by him because we did not live together and his excuse year after year was that he is building the house, when the down stairs of the house was almost complete he put his brother and wife and their child in his home and left me in my bedroom with our two children when I confronted him ,he said I have to waite for the upstairs to be complete before I can move in ,he stalled in completing it then I began to see others members of his family  moving in and out , this made  me very frustrated ,when my son was two years old I met someone at work he gave me attention this was lacking in my relationship I could talk to him , when my husband saw this he said for us to get married . In October of 03 we put up bands ,then in January of 04 he told me that a girl was pregnant for him.I got angry and now he blames me and tells me that i caused that because i was with some one else ,my instincts always told me he was with some one and even friends but he always denied it . I believe he was with the person all along while i lived at home when he told me about the pregnancies i didn't believe him honestly, because he would never be straight with me he always lies . Then we got married in April of 04 ,from January to October he didn't mention any thing to me again until the child was born . I decided to make things work we are married five years now and in the five years i haven't seen the person or have been introduced to her all i see is the five year old child ,his whole family accepts her and the child very much and they treat me like I am the outsider although I have known him for fifteen years, he doesn't take me to pick up the child he doesn't tell me anything he goes there any time he wants .the first year of our marriage she sent a text saying , (Hi Darent this is Lydia thanks for the great sex and I hope we have some more) ,we argued and he said that she was being sarcastic he made a joke with her and she thought he was going there to have sex with her , some time last year she sent another text satiny that (you have the qualities and characteristics that make people want to be in your world I am one of them I love you honey). we argued again and he said he doesn't know why she sent that. I again dismissed it because i love him .I believe he is making a fool of me because he is trying to please both of us ,what gets me is that i told his family about the messages and they are very good friends with her they invite her when they go out. and i am his wife the latest I heard was that he is building a home for the child and mother . i know of this because his child told me that daddy is building an house for mummy and me .How do you take news like that i am frustrated and don't know what to do i am very tired of this I am trying but i feel as if in vain I need some advice please

ps there is more to tell but I don't want to bore you with my problems.

hurting

ANSWER: so why are you still with this jerk?..and please, don't tell me it's cause u love him...totally unfair ratings...first of all, that wasn't the answer, it was a request for more information!...if u don't understand how this works, or can't be respectful to "volunteers", go pay 100 dollars to a shrink and stay off the site...

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I am sorry for giving you that unfair rating.I thought that was your answer, I didn't know it was for more information and i didn't understand how this works ,the answer you gave me why are you still with that jerk ? no matter what this is my husband .I am truly sorry for the disrespect and I welcome a good explanation for why I am accepting this kind of treatment I can tell you though that I just cant leave the home because I have no where else to go until I can do better ,its just not me I have two children to take of of but I am working on it .

Answer
unless you think he's suddenly become a loving, respectful, considerate person, which i doubt, there IS no magic answer; i understand he's your "husband", but that doesn't mean wives are obligated to stay around while their husbands regularly mistreat them..your only hope is to make a plan to get out of there--until then, all you can do is accept the reality while focusing on your plan..