Expert: Azure - 10/21/2009

Question
I'm in an abusive relationship. Married for 20 years with 3 school age kids.  Husband has control over all finances even though I am the only one who has ever had a job.  We live in his grandparents house and he says, "I've provided more for you than most men do in 30 years."  Our house is cluttered so badly that we can't get into many of the rooms in the house. I think he is mentally ill but he won't get help.  He has boxes of junk piled 5 feet high in the kitchen even.  When I try to talk to him about it he becomes irrational, angry, and at times hits me.  He insists that I give him my undivided attention whenever he wants to talk (sometimes at 3am) He talks for hours and yells and threatens.  I am done. I need to escape.  I am looking for an apartment for me and the kids. He says he will stop at nothing to get full custody. He wants me to leave the kids with him and just send a check.  He thinks that since he has been the "at home" parent he will win.  The house is unsafe.  He doesn't cook, do laundry, shop, help with homework, or anything anymore.  How can I safely get the kids and myself away from him?

Answer
make a plan for leaving, utilize friends/family, talk to the social services branch in your city that deals with abused women,  contact a good attorney, if he comes near you, get a restraining order, have him arrested, as he should have been after he first hit you...