Expert: Dr.Sunu Sundar - 11/19/2009

Question
QUESTION: Hello,please help me with your advice!

I'm 27 years old and 4 months pregnant. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and we have our 1 child already, who is 2.5 years old. I'm a Russian native, met my husband here, in US, while being on Student program, after graduation I came to US to live here permanently, became US citizen.Since our 1st child was born, and even earlier my husband started insulting me, calling my names, disrespecting me, my family. My family has never met my 2.5 y.o. son, my husband says that he will never go there, his home is here and that he is going to get another mom for our son. After 2 denied visas for my mom I file for a permanent one for her and she is finally coming over in a month. My husband says that she is not welcome in his house, it's his house (his job provides it)and that we both should go and get an apartment. I'm stay-at-home mom, was laid off right before I had my son 2.5 y ago. When i told him that I was pregnant 4 months ago, he said that I should go and get an abortion and during all this time it's become unbearable in our house to stay. He yells and insults me every minute, I don't even remember when we talked like normal people. We own a home but it's being rented out till MAy1st, exactly till my due date. I'm thinking on getting a court order for my son being able to leave for 3 months and come with me to Russia, where I'm planning on having the baby, my mom is going to help me. I just don't want to have my husband involved in at all, he doesn't deserve it, especially after he wanted to have a baby aborted, I couldn't believe and still can't cope with it. Sometimes he says that he never said anything lie that. I'm planning on filing a restraint order on him, and probably will divorce him in near future. Please help me with your advice, what are my best options.. Thank you so much beforehand.

ANSWER: Dear Nadya,

I   understand your situation. I wonder  how you 'cooperated' to  carry his second child again  inspite of  his  abuses.

If you  are  sure that this is  not  the man  arranged  by God for you, separation is the  best option.

Any  kind of worries   set in mind during pregnancy will affect  the 'baby' inside. Stop  worrying and  start praying to God every  day. This is the only  solution for   you to have  a future  happy life.

For  further  guidance   write to me in detail about your family and   family situation in Russia.

Have  a nice  day



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thank you for your prompt answer, i really appreciate it.
As for my family in Russia - I have my mom, dad passed away a year ago. Also have aunt with uncle, cousin and her husband and grandmom and some other close relatives.  I have a place to live there, but the only problem is that my son doesn't have  a Russian passport, so in order for him to be able to leave he needs his dad's permission, passport can be obtained also through dad's permission, or the last resor is to file court order and hope for the best.
I was planning on filing a restraint order for my husband-how could that help me in my situation. Since I'm stay-at-home mom and fully depend on my husband financially, I've been putting the separation variant on the back burner, although I fully admit that's the only option. I just don't see how will I be able to find a job being already 4 months pregnant, it will take time. The house we own is on both mine and husband's names, but like I said it's being rented out till May. I was hoping to leave for Russia where my family could help me out for a few months,but it's only in case if I get the court order for my son's trip, plus financially it's a bit tight. Since I don't want my husband to be involved in this baby's life at least for now, since if the baby is born here with his dad's name on the birth certificate-it means I won't be able to obtain a Russian passport for him again, and it means more court orders, stress, money etc.
I'm just a bit confused right now, don't know where to start, but  definitely want to file a restraining order on the base of verbal abuse..
Thanks again for your cooperation beforehand.
Looking forward to hearing from you soon.

Answer
Dear Nadya,

Regarding the  restraining order....I suggest you to  decide after consulting a an experienced  lawyer.

After  understanding you  a  bit  more through  your second mail, I suggest you not to  plan separation till the second baby is born and  till you  make yourself  fit to engage in some work.

I suggest you to pray to God  daily one hour atleast. God alone  can  and  will help you if you are serious about prayers  and  serious about  following  His commands.

Unless you  become financially independent after your second's child's birth keep  the  thought of  filing a  divorce  suit away

You may  also reach me at  outreach.matters@gmail.com for further guidance


Have  a nice  day