Expert: Nafeesah - 11/6/2009

Question
After four and a half years, a baby, numerous bruises and countless disrespect, why do I stay in this relationship?  Currently we are in the breaking up phase. Got into to a fight over 20 dollars that I didn't want to give him to buy drugs ended up with bruises and a black eye. He disrespects me by showing up at my sisters house at 5 am who knows for what most likely drugged up.  And yet six days later I miss him. Why?  This is a routine loving nurting months blindside me. I want to stop feeling this way before I end up dead. Please help me understand how to move on and stop this from continuing

Answer
Battered women tend to stay because they've been broken down to the degree that the abuser has brainwashed them into believing that they don't deserve better and that they need them more than others. I would seriously prepare yourself to leave this relationship and do what is best for you and the child that's involved in all this. I don't feel that you should stay another second or day in a relationship that's clearly shown will not be better. You are worth more than bruises and broken bones you have a child to think about and doing what is best because children don't need to witness abuse and the mistreatment of another human being. This is how children grow up and become abusers or abusees because they've grown up watching their mother or even being abused or the ones doing the abusing. To help you understand is looking at the physical damage the abuse has done to you and do you like feeling bad all the time. Do you like looking at your face full of bruises or taking off your clothes and looking at the bruises covering your body. Your child does not need to see his or her mother looking like that because it's not a pretty sight and those who know you well will see this is not normal. Count on those who will support you and also who will be trusted not to give any information to your spouse or significant other. I would also look at some kind of police protection like a restraining order because if he's got a drug problem he's got erratic and unpredictable behavior that can be dangerous to not only you but those around you and also putting your child's safety in jeopardy. I wouldnt miss someone who beat my tail black and blue he would be missing me because I would have been gone the moment he abused or mistreated me. I walked away from an abusive ex fiance who punched me out cold and I didnt stay another moment with him I left him that day and never looked back.