Expert: Azure - 11/8/2009

Question
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He was super for the first 3 weeks, no red lags, nothing. Then after 3 weeks, small things would set him off. He is very wealthy and I am your basic gal. He wanted me to leave my below average apartment and move into his elaborate house. He wants me to start a baby with him and says he loves me all the time and cant wait to marry me. However ... he is a very busy business man and I find he NEVER has time FOR me nor for the relationship. If I bother him at the wrong time, he calls me rude and inconsiderate. If I ask to spend some weekend time together, he claims he is busy getting his house built and then always has meeting to go to. He carries 3 cells phone which are always ringing and texting. Yes, he has a lot on the go and a lot to offer a woman financially, What he wants in exchange is for me to be at his beck and call and only be there when HE wants me , not when I would like to do something together. When we do spend the little amount of time together, it is me cooking dinner for him while he relaxes on the couch and plays online poker, I am expected to either make us dinner, clean up or just sit and watch him play. If I ever choose to do what I want, I am called, selfish, unreliable, and rude, I don't need his money nor his home. (although it would be a secure life) I really just wanted to be together and build a life together. But I am seeing that it is all about his terms and my terms don't matter. In his life, he see's my job and my high education as insignificant in comparison to what he does and how important he is. He tells me that if I would stick by him, we will have a beautiful life together to do whatever we want to do. I'm confused and heart broken in the same. I love him yet hate him. He makes me feel insignificant. I don't dare call anymore to ask if he wants to do something cause if i do, he says he is in a meeting and I'm rude for calling and interrupting . So, i wait and wait for his call, usually at the end of the day when he wants me to come over and cook him some dinner. We don't have sex often, only when he wants. I am 40 and he is 42. he has been married twice and I have never. I really want children and feel this is my last chance to get pregnant. He tells me I am getting too old to have babies so better hurry up. Here are my thoughts ... I am attracted to the lifestyle he constantly tells me that we will have together, yet he wants me to sign a prenup if we move in together and also wants me to pay $1500 to live in his new house. He know my living situation is minimal. I make less than 45,000 a year and he makes over a million a year. I have walked away from him so many times and after a few days, he texts or calls, saying I miss you and invites me over. I go, because I'm weak. But then I get degraded, insulted once again then the tears start, he turns and says I love you , I want to marry you and have babies with you. We are actually trying for a baby. When i met this man i was on top of the world. Strong, independent, very happy and confident. Now I feel weak, desperate, not worth anything and wondering if at 40 would there even be a man who would want to be with me. When i do go back to him, he changes his mind and says he's not even sure he wants kids or for me to move in. He changes his mind all the time. Can someone please help me with some words of wisdom. I am very lost right now, hurt and confused. When I'm with him, i love him so much until he degrades me, then i just leave with my head held, days go by then he contacts me with "i miss you" or "stand by me and we will have an amazing life together" Yesterday he asked me not to give up on him.

Answer
so the real question is, when will you be able to overcome your insecurities and not allow this guy to jerk you around with these utter manipulations? this is nothing less than an addictive dependence that renders you helpless to his walking all over you; all the money in the world will not fix a broken relationship; so, you can live the life of a kept woman in quiet desperation, or you can wake up, shed the chains that bind you, recapture your life--your choice..