Expert: Azure - 12/31/2009

Question
My younger sister has always been rambunctious, sexual and aggressive.  My husband says that I have suffered emotional abuse by her my entire life.  I do know that I always feel terrible about myself when she is around.

Now I'm concerned about her son.  He is a bright and funny 8 y/o, with wonderful manners. But the way she interacts with him seems very harsh.  She bullies him into behaving.  She yells and orders him around, in my opinion, unfairly.  If he objects or cries she belittles him and calls him a baby. She often uses profanity while yelling at him. She tells him he's lame, or a nerd. If I object she yells at me to "get your own kid"

Often, while "playing" or wrestling, she will sit on him, laughing, until he cries. He tries to be tough, but I can see that he is terrified of her.  He knows he can't complain without getting yelled at.

There's one other thing.  While we were out shopping, she took him into the dressing room with her while she tried on lingerie, but when she came out she confessed to me that she had taken sexy pictures of herself in the lingerie for her lover, and that she has stolen 2 bras.  In front of him!  She claims he didn't notice.

This doesn't seem like the right way to raise a healthy child. Is there anything that I can do? Would CPS do anything if I called?  Is there a way to make her take parenting classes?  Am I wrong to be concerned? Or is this just a matter of opinion on child rearing?

Answer
"abuse" would be legally hard to prove; certainly your reaction to her ugly behavior is justified, but doing something about it is another matter; i doubt if you'll be able to convince her to get any help, as she won't admit to any wrongdoing; you can inquire with social services as to your concerns and ask their advice as to what behavior observed would constitute an offense that would get their attention or have them consider taking action; in the meantime, all you, and other family members can do, is express your feelings to her when necessary, and watch for behavior that would clearly exemplify abuse as defined by legal guidelines..