Expert: David Simonsen - 12/24/2009

Question
Me and my husband have been married 4 yrs with a 16 mo old and another baby on the way in July. I had a month long affair back in April. I told my husband about it. And to be completely honest the only reason I did it was b/c I was unhappy with our sex life. I worked 10-12 hrs a day, and he worked and would come home and get on the computer and spend no time with me.
 Well, I had an affair, and I told him about it. We separated from May 2009-July 2009. And during this time me and my daughter were living with my parents. He would call me nightly and tell me how he loved me and we would actually go to sleep with each other on the phone. I thought he was somewhat trying to move on with me. Well, on July 15, which was out 4th anniversary, he told me he didn't want me anymore. And I just lost it and I tried to kill myself. While I was in the hospital he didn't visit me or anything. He said since he caused it there should be some distance. But all the while he was at home online talking to 10 other girls on myspace. He actually told one of them that night that he "wasn't emotionally strong enough to just be friends". I got out of the hospital on the 18 and that next week the 26th to be exact he was out on a date with a girl he met via myspace. I found the girls number on his emails. I called her while he was on the date with her. And he knew that it was me! I was livid! I waited for him that night and when he came home he told me loved me soo much and that he only wanted me! He just needed to compare me to someone else and see if i was still what he wanted. Well, about 3 days later he said he couldn't be with me and we needed to just "date" each other. But, I actually took him on a couple of dates and he never did me! Still hasn't.
 I know that me cheating on him was the worst thing I could ever do to him. I broke his heart and totally ruined my credibility with him. But, I do love him. And I have struggled soo much this past 6 months 2 just b with him, and 2 show him that I love only him. And he continues to treat me like crap. And I can't get over what he did to me either. because he won't talk about it! But he brings up daily what I did. I am owning up to how horrible of an act mine was! But he won't. He says he's justified. I don't really think he loves me. Because if he did he would own up and help me to move on too. Because he hurt me too. He may not have slept with anyone but he was having an emotional affair with this woman, and he told me that she was prettier and he admired her. He told me he never admired me ever. I'm not sure how to get passed this or if I can. I wanna know if you think he loves me? Or am I just being stupid? I want an unbiased opinion on the subject

Answer
Kara,
You both have made decisions that are not good for the relationship. It doesn't seem very hopeful. I would suggest that you seek out a competent therapist where you live and ask your husband to attend with you. If he is not willing to do this, then I suggest you speak to an attorney. I think you may need to call your husbands bluff. This back and forth craziness is of no use to anyone.
David
www.help4life.net