Expert: Azure - 12/19/2009

Question
I am currently in a relationship now for almost 11 months. We both met and have been working at an internship away from both of our homes. My brother also works here permanently.

Lately she and i have been having alot of fighting. (For the past 3 months or so). There was one night where she actually left me, so i went over and stayed at my brothers house and turned my phone off. This is something i never do, i usually see her after a couple of minutes and we calm down, or still text her.

When i had turned on my phone the next morning and went home i had 16 voicemails from her crying. I felt horrible. We ended up patching things up. But since then for me it hasn't felt the same.

The problems also are she doesn't get long with my brothers. Me and my brothers are both goofy, outgoing and like to have a good time. When we broke up that night i had told my brother everything about her including one of her big secrets of her past. She found out that i had told them and since then won't have anything to do with him. Even with it almost being christmas she wants us to spend it alone. She never wants me to go and hang out with my brother (even though she says she does) because my brothers like to drink. Which is something i do enjoy from time to time. She gets worried about me everytime i go out anywhere. If i don't text her all the time, or talk to her all the time. I can usually only go out with my brother if she is at work. If we are both at home it is wrong and i should be spending the time we can have together with her. This hurts me alot because soon i won't be able to see my brother at all. If i want to go out with him for a day while she has time off also she sighs and just starts getting mad and upset even though she tells me ok, unitil i tell her i wont go, and then she tells me, "oh it's ok you can go."

i want to fix this or leave this relationship but i don't know how. I am not happy at all. She has an attitude with everything i say or i do, and she stands up to me like she would no one else. It hurts. Yes, i have made my mistakes also, but it does.

Our internship program ends in 2 weeks, and it is also the Holiday season which makes it hard to leave her. We already have all of one anothers gifts. And we will both be away from our families for the first time, which is why in someways i feel she doesn't want me to go see my brother (or doesn't want to go with me) because she can't be with hers.

We have planned for me to go with her on the 22 hour drive back to her home, and then stay with her family and then i fly home. I already bought my plane ticket. When i told her before i bought it that because of money and financial issues in the family i may not be able to. She got REALLY upset at me. Saying "this isn't what i want to hear when i just get off at work." And started making me feel horrible how she would be driving home alone scared and crying really bad because of us just separating for a long time. How her family is all looking forward to seeing me. SO i got the ticket and told her i'd be up there with her for 3 days and then i'd fly home. She replied with, "well i thought you would be staying longer" and continued to pout. (i haven't even gotten to see my family in 9 months!) How can i make this girl happy? i can't. she works all the time and never wants to do anything with my family or friends, and wants it to always be us.

I was thinking of possibly leaving her at the airport saying that it was better for us to remain friends after everything we have been threw, so that way we aren't tying one another down for months. I am just afraid and i know she will make a huge scene and yell and  scream and cry at me. And once i leave she will call and text me endlessly. Or do i wait and do it when i get home?

I am not sure how to do this. I can't even stand up for myself now. Please any advice on what to do would be great!

Answer
she's obviously the needier, dependent, more insecure one, and you're seeing how difficult they can be;  you can INFORM her that the situation is no longer acceptable, express what your REQUIREMENTS are for continuing, stating that her cooperation in meeting same is now needed, or  you're out, and see if she makes the necessary adjustments, or you can walk; in either case, i'd wait, respectfully, til after the holidays...