Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 2/23/2009

Question
Hi Dana,
This is a bit strange, so please bear with me. I dated a woman for 6 weeks or so last fall. She wasn't ready for another relationship but we became very good friends and have a very healthy relationship.

Her past boyfriend of 3 years has been calling and leaving voicemails for her since they broke up last Fall. I've even heard the ones saying he had a "key to your apartment and I'm going to kill you and your dog". He's obviously got issues (I've told her to call the cops, she is saving the incidents but thinks they're harmless).

I'm trying to be empathetic and point in her positive directions on this as she's constantly asking for my opinions and help. I can offer her emotional support but would like to know some recommendations or information i can give her to help.

Answer
Dear Dave,
I found your question in the question pool so would like to offer some suggestions.  Keeping track of the incidents is a good idea, as well as calling in law enforcement.  However if she chooses that route, she would need to press charges for anything to be done officially.  

The best resource for you would be to call your local Women's Center or Domestic Violence organization and either ask for their assistance or you might accompany her to talk with an abuse counselor, which they may have on staff.  You may be running into some denial that a counselor could help with.  

Often, abused women are traumatized and freeze in the face of their abuser.  They feel helpless.  The best thing that can happen for her is to get in some counseling to help her heal from that past relationship.

I hope this helps.  If I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me.

Blessings,  Kriss
www.livingwellcc.com