Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 2/8/2009

Question
i am separated from my husband, he beat me up, he was charged with several crimes.  i have a protective order, but it does no good, he contacts, i call the police, they lock him up for a few hours, his daddy bails him and it starts all over.  he is pushing me to not testify, but i have told him i am going to testify, (I was badly beaten), his parents have even sent me $5000 to not testify.  At any rate, the problem i am having is breaking that emotional tie i have to him.  i know if i go back, it will happen again and probably be worse. but yet, hearstrings are being pulled, i am hoping that the longer i stay away from him, the easier it will become.  most of my friends and family say, "just stay away from him" it is not that easy, do you have any suggestions?

Answer
Dear Carol,
This sounds like a really messy situation.  Your husband's family sounds like they are enabling him, so therefore there are no consequences and as a result, probably no reason to change.  

If physical violence is a part of your relationship, he is not looking for help, there is no reason to believe it will not happen again.

Ties to abusive men cannot exist in the light of reality.  My best suggestion for you would be to seek out a good abuse counselor and work on the issues that keep you trading your self worth for his company.  That is one of the best ways to cut ties. I strongly urge you to do that.

When you understand what he is really doing to you and the price you are paying for it, you will walk away and not look back.  I'm glad that you have decided to testify.  It is a hard stand to take, but it will help you in the long run.  At least you are holding him accountable for his behavior.  That says a lot about your character and your sense of right and wrong.

I wish you the best as you take your stand against this man.  Keep enforcing the PO, testify and work on yourself to be all that you can be.  This guy isn't worth your self esteem.  Take your power back and take your life back.

Blessings,  Kriss
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