Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 3/20/2009

Question
Hello Kriss:

I have a habit of getting into emotionally abusive relationships.  In fact, I just recently ended one.  I am now dating a man that I had dated before but broke up with for the above relationship.  I don't want to get involved in the same kind of relationship again. So, my question is:  Will he be emotionally abusive?  He has recently broken three of our dates due to family, an old girlfriend and other friends.  He says he gets caught up in talking to them or they need him for something.  I think this is very inconsiderate and need to know if thats all it is or if this is an indication of what may become another abusive relationship.  Am I so scared of repeating myself that I'm reading more into this? I'm not sure I trust my own judgement right now.

Answer
Dear Traci,
I truly hear what you are saying and think that you are being very wise.  Although I don't have any idea whether this person will be abusive to you, simply because I don't know him, he does sound very inconsiderate and insensitive, which should tell you something about his character.  If you talk to him about how that hurts you and he doesn't listen, that tells you more about his ability to hear your heart.  If you look at all these things put together, it should give you a picture that you can either live with or not.  That is your decision.

One thing that I would strongly encourage you to do is find an abuse counselor who can help you deal with the issues in your life that bring you to these abusive relationships.  It is a pattern with women who have been abused, but there is healing and you can go on to have good relationships.  I want to see you break this pattern and be able to truly be free to have a great relationship with a man who truly loves you.  You deserve that Traci.

Many blessings to you Traci and if I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Blessings,  Kriss
www.livingwellcc.com