Expert: Kriss Mitchell, M.Ed, CRC, CNHP - 4/20/2009

Question
Can you give me any stories about abusive relationships where the couple turned the relationship into a healthy one? I'm losing faith that I myself will ever be able to stay better after changing for the better.

Answer
Dear Gonzalo,
Although these kinds of stories are uncommon, there are a few.  In my experience Gonzalo, those who have been able to turn their relationships around are the ones where the abuser has been dedicated to do the work needed to heal.  If you struggle with using abuse to deal with problems, it would be important for you to find professional help.  There are reasons you respond in anger, there are reasons you have learned inappropriate coping mechanisms and you can find healing for that.  However it is not something you can do on your own.  

Part of recovery is accepting responsibility for your own feelings and behaviors, not making others responsible for them.  Another part is opening your heart and being able to feel what the victim feels, understand what they are going through in the depth of your heart.  When you truly understand what they go through, it truly motivates change.

Gonzalo, it is not impossible to change.  It just requires a strength of character to be able to truly face what motivates your choice to abuse and get the help you need until you are truly healed.

I wish you well and if I can be of any further assistance, please feel free to contact me again.

Blessings,  Kriss